This week, instead of multiple quotes, we want to focus on a short excerpt from the book "Turning the Mind Into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham.
We include links to other articles we've written on relevant topics. >> "Many of us are slaves to our minds. Our own mind is our worst enemy. We try to focus, and our mind wanders off. We try to keep stress at bay, but anxiety keeps us awake at night. We try to be good to the people we love, but then we forget them and put ourselves first. And when we want to change our life, we dive into spiritual practice and expect quick results, only to lose focus after the honeymoon has worn off. We return to our state of bewilderment. We're left feeling helpless and discouraged. It seems we all agree that training the body through exercise, diet, and relaxation is a good idea, but why don't we think about training our minds?" << In one paragraph, the author sums up many challenges we all face:
Our lives tend to follow a common course: we go to school for years and then get a job, and in our spare time we search for happiness in people, things, and experiences. Through those years of school, work, and life experiences, no one bothers to teach us about our minds. Which is ironic, because our minds are the foundation for everything that happens in our lives. Why isn't mindfulness and meditation part of our children's core curriculum from an early age? The Dalai Lama stated: "If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation." That may seem far-fetched, but it really isn't. Our minds are compulsive. Thoughts, emotions, and urges come at us non-stop. We have an inner-narrative that comments on and judges everything. It labels people, things, and situations, and creates a divisive environment: me vs. you, us vs. them. Your mind is always with you - you can't escape it. Take a new job, find a new partner, travel the world on vacation, move to a new city - it doesn't matter. Once the "newness" of external change wears off, it's still there waiting. And, we aren't even given an owner's guide for it. It does exist though - and you can access that owner's guide with a consistent meditation practice, and by bringing mindfulness to your daily life. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. > The question: "My goal for meditating is to overcome my anxiety. Is this reasonable?" First, you might examine the language that describes your goal. Instead of "overcoming anxiety," consider changing it to "deal more skillfully with anxiety." This is important, because if you believe you'll overcome anxiety by meditating, you'll be frustrated at the first sign of thoughts, emotions, and sensations to the contrary. You will most likely judge yourself for not being successful ("I was trying to get rid of my anxiety, and here it is again. I'm a failure!"). And, you will probably lack the motivation to continue your meditation practice. In short, the view of overcoming or "getting rid of" leads to quick setbacks, which cause you to stop your practice before you have a chance of realizing the benefits. Second, what does the word "goal" mean to you? Are you rejecting your present circumstances, driving towards a future vision of yourself, and pinning your happiness on whether or not you achieve that vision? If you continually wish your circumstances are different than they are, it will give rise to more anxiety and make your condition worse. Instead, accept things as they are...because that's how they are. As an old teacher was fond of saying, "It is what it is." I know, I know - it's easy to dismiss a sentiment like this, especially when you're dealing with anxiety or other struggles. But, fully embracing "it is what it is" can lead to immediate relief if you understand it as more than an empty platitude posted on social media. The present moment is the product of billions of years of causes and conditions that brought it into being. You have little control over most of those causes and conditions. You actually have little insight into most of those causes and conditions. And, lamenting these facts won't change the situation...it will only create suffering. The only thing you can do - right here and now - is make mindful decisions and take skillful actions which become part of causes and conditions that give rise to the next present moment. To do that, begin strengthening awareness of what's happening in your mind. See what your anxiety is composed of - is there doubt? Fear? Worry? What are the physical sensations? Rapid breathing? A racing heart? Tension in your neck and back? Notice what's there, but don't try to fight it - simply let it be as it is. And then, move your attention away from it. This may be uncomfortable at first - we tend to feel we are "giving in" if we aren't fighting. But, that's not the case. Those thoughts, emotions, and sensations are there whether you fight them or not. If you do fight them, however, you are indulging them: you are giving them fuel to persist. This fuel turns the wheel of your suffering, giving rise to more thoughts, emotions, and sensations. And, before you know it, you're being dragged into a "pit of despair" where your anxiety, fears, depression, and other struggles completely take over. When you let it be as it is, however, you'll discover things usually aren't the problem your mind makes them out to be. And, your mind does create problems - it takes what you experience (a sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought), labels it, assigns a feeling of pleasant or unpleasant to it, and generates stories about it that constantly play in your head. This process conditions your behavior, and you habitually react with desire for things that deliver pleasant feelings and aversion towards things that deliver unpleasant feelings. As a result, your life is characterized by a perpetual state of dissatisfaction that keeps you chasing after "this" and running away from "that." Even worse, all of this happens on autopilot - you, like the rest of us, are usually just dragged along for the ride. But, awareness shines a light on this process, and helps take you off autopilot. You can see the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the stories. They are part of an unfolding process - not an isolated event that looms before you, threatening your well-being. All of this mental activity is contingent on the causes and conditions that gave rise to it. And, all of it is temporary: it comes into being (arises), exists for a time, and ceases (passes)...provided you don't allow your attention to get caught up in it. Provided you don't indulge it, and give it fuel to persist. How do you do this? When you meditate, focus your attention on an anchor (usually your breath or a mantra). When those thoughts and emotions arise and you notice your attention is caught up in them, simply return it to your anchor. Notice and return, over and over and over. You are developing the skill of observing what arises and passes without getting caught up in it. And, as you develop this skill, you can begin transferring it to your "non-meditating time." When you aren't meditating (when you are going about your daily activities), focus your attention on the present moment and task at hand. When those thoughts and emotions arise and you notice your attention is caught up in them, simply return it to the present moment and task at hand. This is how meditation and mindfulness work. You aren't overcoming anything, you're changing your relationship with it. You are training your attention to no longer be held hostage by mental activity. And, you're strengthening awareness of your compulsive mind, and the aforementioned process it goes through - the process that conditions your behavior, and ultimately dictates "who you are" and "what you do." With practice, and the direct experience that comes from practice, you can begin chipping away at your habitual actions and reactions, and start bringing an end to the problems your mind creates. <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required).
Once a week we highlight quotes that will (hopefully) resonate with you. We may or may not add our own commentary. Most likely, we will. This week we will start with Seth Godin: "You’re responsible for what you do, but you don’t have authority and control over the outcome. We can hide from that, or we can embrace it." So much of our time and energy is wasted on things we can't control. The ironic thing is, if you take that time and energy you spend trying to control outcomes and reallocate it to what you can control (your decisions and actions in the present moment), you increase the likelihood of achieving desired results. Why? Because if your time and energy is focused on what you can do here and now - and not on mental gymnastics and ruminations - the quality of your efforts will improve. And, you avoid the self-imposed suffering from worry, stress, anxiety, and depression related to the constant (and futile) struggle of trying to control the uncontrollable. Next, from Charles Dickens: "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." There's a lot in this quote. First, you aren't a victim and you aren't alone on an island with your struggles. Everyone suffers similar challenges and misfortunes, but your mind tries to convince you it's only you. Or that you have it worse than everyone else. It's not only you. You don't have it worse. If you quit listening to your mind when it tells you otherwise, you won't feel so separated from the rest of the world, and you'll develop more compassion for yourself and others. Second, no matter what problems you are facing, you have something to be grateful for. The state of gratitude, however, needs to be cultivated. Here's one idea on how to do that. Finally, the present moment is the only moment you can actually live. Resist the urge to follow your mind into the past, future, or an alternate reality. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). When it comes to multitasking, we associate it with external activities. For example, studying or working while talking on the phone, taking notes, browsing social media, and listening to the radio.
Hopefully your multitasking habit isn't that bad, but we all do it to some extent. What we don't consider, though, is an aspect of multitasking that's inherent to our nature: letting our attention be controlled by a wandering, compulsive mind. Our minds always want to be somewhere other than right here and now:
If your attention is focused on your mind (which it usually is), you are being forced to multitask. In any given minute, you will be jumping between thoughts about friends, enemies, bills to pay, movies, your favorite sports team, Donald Trump running for President of the U.S., and a multitude of other subjects. Recent findings cited in Psychology Today put the loss of productivity from multitasking as high as 40%. Study after study confirms that it simply doesn't work when it comes to external activities. How much worse is that made by the multitasking our minds force on us? If your mind is running around like a puppy exploring a new house, and your attention is following it everywhere it leads, it's going to be more detrimental than trying to work and browse Facebook at the same time. A consistent meditation practice and bringing mindfulness to your daily life will help. They allow you to move your attention away from your compulsive mind and its non-stop activity, and focus it on the present moment and task at hand. And if you control where your attention goes, you will no longer be at the mercy of the next thought, emotion, or urge that pops into your head. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Last updated October, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, click here to learn about our 15-day meditation challenge, "Your inner narrative". > From Leonardo da Vinci: I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. It's easy to know what we should do - for example,
And, you probably understand these things on an intellectual level. But, if you're like the rest of us, you probably don't take action on them consistently. Or, much at all! When it comes to mindfulness and meditation, if you're reading this article you probably know you should meditate every day. And, you probably know you should be mindful when you aren't meditating. Are you? No doubt you believe strengthening awareness is a great idea. But, are you actually practicing? Are you putting focused attention on your mind, and watching everything that arises in consciousness? Are you choosing not to follow it and, instead, return to your anchor (if meditating) or the present moment (if not meditating)? Understanding the present moment and what it means to "be present" are wonderful. But, are you still indulging day-dreams? Are you still ruminating about the past and worrying about the future? Or, are you observing your mind as it tries to lead you away from right here and now, and choosing not to follow it? And, being mindful throughout your day is a worthwhile pursuit. But, are you still having problems with focus and productivity, or being engaged with the current situation before you? Are you still prone to emotional outbursts? Or, are you resisting the urge to follow thoughts and emotions down a path that culminates in conditioned behavior, and habitual actions and reactions? Just like you know you should eat more fruits and vegetables and less fast-food, you know all these things. You understand everything on an intellectual level. But, you don't always take action. Why? What's the secret to "doing?" Actually, there is no secret. And, it's not complicated. It's simple: take the first step, then the next step, then the next step. There is no mountain to climb, there's only what you do next. Below is a good exercise to practice with today: Take the first step, then the next step, then the next step. What's next?Common questions we're asked:
Our 15-day meditation challenge - "Your inner narrative" - answers these questions and more. Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. <> That voice in your head is constantly narrating the world around you. It labels and judges everything. And, it's never satisfied with the present moment. To the contrary, something always needs to be fixed, changed, added, or taken away. Or, there's an underlying fear that something will end or go away. All of this fuels a constant state of unease. Why does the voice in your head do this? It seems the primary function of our minds is to solve problems. You may have heard the saying "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." It's the same with our minds, except everything looks like a problem. That's why being happy and content never last. Happiness fades, and we grow restless with what we have (or, we want what we don't have). And, that voice in your head tells you that you can be happier and more content "If only" something else happens:
According to the mind, happiness is just over the horizon "once you acquire this" or "once you achieve that" or "once something is exactly the way you want." The trap we all fall into is, no matter what we acquire or achieve or arrange to perfection, happiness is always going to be "just over the horizon" because there's always something else to acquire, achieve, or arrange to perfection. IF we listen to our minds. You can see this for yourself: examine your mind and its activity today. Is anything ever good "as it is?" Or, is there something that needs to be fixed, changed, added, or taken away? Even if something appears perfect at first, does that voice eventually chime in with "It could be better if only..." or "I hope it stays this way forever..."? How do you escape this trap? By strengthening awareness and utilizing it throughout your day. How do you strengthen awareness? By developing a consistent meditation practice and applying mindfulness to your "non-meditating time." <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). note: our free guide to mindfulness and meditation really is free - no email or registration required. The link is at the bottom of the page. Once a week we highlight quotes that will (hopefully) resonate with you. We may or may not add our own commentary. Most likely, we will. This week we start with Nell Tropan: "Mind is neither good nor bad, but is useful and dangerous at the same time, just as water can nourish or drown you." As we often say - thoughts aren't the problem. Emotions aren't the problem. Your mind isn't the problem. The problem is you identify with these things - you get caught up in them. As such, they condition your behavior and give rise to struggles such as stress, anxiety, depression, a lack of focus, et cetera. Your mind is your mind - it's not good or bad. You use it when you need it, but don't let it control your life when you don't. Next, from Eckhart Tolle: "Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don't realize this because almost everyone is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being." I would say "Being lost in thought and not being able to move your attention away from it is a dreadful affliction." Our minds are compulsive, and they produce non-stop activity. Much like a fish doesn't realize it's surrounded by water because it's always been surrounded by water, we don't realize how constant and pervasive thoughts are because we're always subjected to them. It's our normal state. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. We will be gone for a week, and daily musings will resume next Wednesday. Use this opportunity to catch up on any musings you may have missed. Here are the Top 9 most popular since May:
See you soon. < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. |