Last updated December, 2017. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). The following post was written by Chelsea, our Chief Mindfulness Officer and creator of "ARC: mindfulness for children." -- I changed my walking route the other day as I am wont to do every so often. The park in which I’d been walking for the past few months was becoming a little too familiar and crowded, and my daily 45-minute walk was beginning to feel more like an hour and a half. I chose the new trail based on the abundance of trees that I could see lining its sides from the road - fall is in full swing here and, like many others, I am a huge fan of the beautiful colors that come with the change of season. Combine that with the sounds of resident birds and rustling leaves, and you’ve got my idea of the perfect setting for a walking meditation. I was about 15 minutes through my walk when I came to a fork in the trail. I decided on the section of the trail that veered off to the right and continued along for a few minutes when suddenly I was shocked into a full stop. It was a patch of bright red and gold leaves that had caught my attention, but it wasn’t so much the color itself that had stopped me (fiery colors are everywhere at this time of year). It was the vibrant contrast that the color presented. I had walked into a stretch of evergreens without realizing it, and there was a small copse of maple trees that had somehow found its home amidst the pines. My vision felt slightly seared as I stood there staring at the blazing red surrounded by all that green, and I realized that I’d been lost in my thoughts and unaware that the landscape had changed. I’d become habituated; the vibrant hues of fall had no longer been holding my attention, and it took a visual interruption to jolt me back into the present moment. In the realm of psychology, the word habituation is defined as “the diminishing of a physiological or emotional response to a frequently repeated stimulus.” In short, we get used to things the more we’re exposed to them. This ability to quickly digest new information and move on to something else is an advantage to us as children because it helps us learn about the world around us (in fact, it’s seen as an indicator of intelligence in infants). But, what does a novelty-seeking nature mean for us in adulthood? Sure, it keeps us moving forward and learning, but the part of our brains that compels us to seek out new stimuli in order to learn and grow is the same part that causes us to lose wonder, interest, and contentment in things simply because they have become familiar to us. Louis CK did a comedy bit awhile back in which he talked about how everything is amazing but no one is happy, and the message he was sending is worth reiterating: As a society, we have become so accustomed to the convenience of things around us that we no longer experience the amazement and joy that they afford. They no longer captivate us or inspire us or cause us to pause. We’ve grown mental calluses that numb our perception and experience, leaving us yearning for the ever-demanding more and searching for happiness outside of ourselves. Habituation is in our nature and can be used to our advantage, but it’s important to maintain (or create) a balance between assimilation and apathy. As Larry Watson said: "With so much unknown in this life, how little it takes for a face, a grove of trees, an outcropping of stone to become familiar.” Familiarize yourself, but don’t let the extraordinary become displaced and mundane. Take care that the word “acquaint” doesn’t become synonymous with “forget,” and take pleasure in the small. Because sometimes the small is what inspires the most mindful moments. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Last updated December, 2018. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Kim writes: "I've been meditating for almost two months now, and I think it has actually made matters worse. When I first started, I was able to quiet my mind. Now it seems to be going non-stop, and I can't go 30 seconds without drifting into thought during my meditation sitting. My mind is crazier than ever! Is this normal?" It is normal. But, your mind hasn't become busier. You've become more aware of just how busy it's always been. If you're like most people, you haven't spent a lot of time observing your mind and its compulsive nature. It's hard to understand how pervasive and incessant thoughts and emotions can be - especially when you spend most of your day lost in thoughts and emotions. Meditating changes that. The more you practice, the more these focused attempts to anchor your attention reveal a startling fact: your mind is always going. As a result of witnessing it first-hand, you might believe you are "failing": "I was doing better a few weeks ago - now I can't go 30 seconds without my mind wandering." The reality is, you are finally seeing what has been happening all along! It takes a bit of time and effort to reach a baseline of awareness that allows this to happen. That's why people believe they are good at meditating at first - they aren't even close to this baseline of awareness yet. In the beginning, they are usually just thinking with their eyes closed, not realizing they are thinking at all! The best advice is, don't meditate with the goal of calming the mind. Your frustration doesn't come from your mind being "crazy," it comes from you feeling like you can't control it. And, you can't - so give up the attempts to do so. Instead, meditate with the goal of understanding your mind. As of now, you can see how compulsive it is - the next step is to develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Remember that nothing is permanent, including your thoughts, emotions, and urges. Everything comes into being, exists, and ceases (it all comes and goes). Your mind tries to cling to these things and make them permanent. But, meditation and mindfulness teach you to understand the temporary nature of your mind-made activity. One last point: when you are meditating and you notice your attention has wandered, that is success. To be more specific, you focus your attention on an anchor (most people choose the breath or a mantra), and when you notice it has wandered and you become aware of thoughts, you return your attention to the anchor. Notice and return, over and over and over again. That's why it's called practice! The more you practice, the more you develop the skills you can bring to your daily life when you aren't practicing. If you do it consistently, you'll find the calmness you're seeking is there - it's been buried under all that mental noise you've been wrapped up in. You can't escape your mind...Life seems to be a roller coaster of ups and downs. All of us are endlessly searching for happiness as we stumble from one problem to the next, trying to cope as best we can.
Are you ready to do something different? If so, we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind" for you. Click here to read more. I answered a few questions on the website Lift about how I meditate - check it out here. You can also read a chapter from their new book, "The Strongest Mind in the Room." See the link at the end of my interview. Check back here next week for a new installment of "Question & Answer Tuesdays." < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. The creator of meditationSHIFT published a new article on Medium. Here is an excerpt: "Before we go any further, I want to make sure I don’t mislead you: I am not enlightened, and I don’t know the meaning of life. I’m also a firm believer that if someone tells you they are enlightened, you should run fast in the opposite direction. I do, however, think I know what enlightenment might be…at least from my perspective. And it doesn’t involve some wise old sage sitting on a mountain top, counseling people who have traveled from distant lands." Go to Medium to read the rest (you don't need to create an account to read it, but if you have an account and enjoy the article, please "Recommend" it). You can find all of Jon's articles on Medium here. Credit for the above cartoon goes to a hilarious guy named Phil. Google "the rut cartoons" to see more of his work. < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Chelsea, our Chief Mindfulness Officer and creator of "ARC: mindfulness for children," published a new article on the social journalism site Medium (started by the founders of Twitter). Here is an excerpt: "I remember being alone in my kitchen, clutching the counter and sinking to the floor, thinking 'so this is how I die: a fat girl choking on a Dorito'... I decided right then and there that I was going to change my eating habits and pay more attention to what I ate and how I ate it. It was time for a little mindful eating: a topic around which quite a few articles and blog posts have been constructed lately, and for good reason. Mindful eating can completely change your relationship with food, and I’ve listed a few of the tactics that helped me the most." Go to Medium to read the rest: "How I changed my eating habits with mindfulness and a bag of chips." < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Thanks for visiting - last year (2023) marked our 20th anniversary! In 2024 we're releasing our newest program - it helps people who are stuck in a constant state of fight-or-flight. You can read more about it by clicking the link at the bottom of this article. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Erica writes: "I've read a lot about meditating on the Internet and, to be honest, it's very confusing. There seem to be dozens of different types, and conflicting instructions on what to do and how to do it. What type of meditation should I focus on? Or, should I do more than one type of meditation? I really don't know where to start." When you Google "how to meditate," you'll find millions of results (seriously!). We constantly get questions on how the different types compare, and which one somebody should practice: Samatha (or concentration), Vipassana (or insight), mindfulness, zazen, metta (or loving-kindness), guided, transcendental, MBSR...the list goes on and on. There are a lot of methods. There's a lot of advice. And, as you pointed out, much of it conflicts! It's easy to suffer information overload, which - according to Wikipedia - leads to a reduction in decision quality and a likelihood of no action being taken. That's a bit disheartening: there's so much information available that it overwhelms a lot of people and, as a result, they won't even attempt to meditate. It doesn't have to be complicated, though. The question I ask people is "Why do you want to meditate?" These are the most popular answers:
The one thing these answers have in common is a need to better understand the mind. Once you begin to understand the mind, how it works, and the problems it creates in your life, then you can focus on the method. If you don't have this understanding, however, you'll probably view meditating as a chore or an item to check off your "to-do list." That means you will bounce around from one type of meditation to another, never really focusing, and abandoning your efforts after a short period of time. In order to understand the mind, you need to become aware of the filters and constructs it places on top of reality. Put simply, we don't see things as they are - we see things as our minds present them. This brings us full circle to the original question: "What type of meditation do I focus on?" My answer is simple: when you strip away all the extraneous stuff, there is only ONE type. This one type involves strengthening awareness (also known as "cultivating mindfulness"), and learning to notice your mind and its activity (also known as "mental noise") without getting caught up in it. One more time: strengthening awareness and learning to notice your mind and its activity without getting caught up in it. What do we call this one type? Meditating! No fancy names, no extra labels, no added complexity. Here are the steps:
Don't get frustrated if it takes you a while to notice your attention has wandered from your anchor - sometimes you catch it immediately, sometimes it takes longer. It doesn't matter - simply return it to your anchor when you do notice. Notice and return, over and over and over again. As you develop more experience, attempt to actively refrain from judging and labeling thoughts, emotions, or anything else that arises. Drop the urge to categorize "this" as good or positive and "that" as bad or negative. Thoughts are just thoughts. Emotions are just emotions. They hold no special power over you unless you give it to them. They will go the same as they came, provided you don't cling to them and make them "yours." And, provided you don't try to chase after what gives you pleasant feelings or run away from what gives you unpleasant feelings. If you observe instead of interfering, you will see everything progress through a natural cycle of arising (coming), existing for a time, and passing (going). Don't get mad if a sound interrupts your practice. If something itches and you have to scratch it, scratch it. If you have to shift your position, shift your position. At the same time, if you can notice discomfort and the desire to alleviate it (scratching, shifting) and let it pass without acting on it, then do so. After all, discomfort is just discomfort. And, thoughts about discomfort are just thoughts about discomfort. And, urges to do something are just urges to do something. Simply return your attention to your anchor once you notice it has wandered and you're caught up in thoughts. Notice and return, over and over and over again. What does this do for you? If you develop a consistent practice, it gets easier to observe thoughts, emotions, and urges when you aren't practicing: this is referred to as being mindful. As you go through your day, you can see this "mental noise" as it arises and realize you don't have to get caught up in it or react to every single thing that happens around (or inside) you. Instead, you learn to let it all be as it is, independent of you and your attention. This is commonly referred to as "letting thoughts and emotions go," or letting them pass. It means you are choosing not to follow them down a path that culminates in conditioned behavior and habitual actions and reactions - a path that leads to struggles with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, et cetera. That's it. Forget all the different types, forget the labels, forget the complexity. Just start. Why not set a timer for 5 minutes right now? ___Are you stuck in a constant state of fight-or-flight? Are you struggling with all the problems it causes?
Are you even aware of all the problems it causes? If this sounds like you, read more about our newest program here. We will be away for a few weeks (travel, speaking, and (maybe) a day or two off). In the meantime...it is estimated that 15 million new iPhones will be sold this coming weekend. I like the iPhone, but it begs the question: do you think your happiness lies in your next purchase? Or your next job? Or your next significant other? If your happiness lies on the other side of "something else," you will never have lasting happiness. Our most popular and shared article over the past 11 years is "Searching for happiness - is it out there?" If you haven't read it, we think you'll enjoy it. If you have read it, it's worth re-reading! We will return on Tuesday, September 30th with a new installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Last updated October, 2018. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Stephen writes: "I enjoy your articles and get a lot from your blog posts. But, when I read something like what you posted on Medium last week (Stop trying to control your thoughts), it confuses me. I have a lot of negative thoughts, and thoughts that I don't want to continue. They put me in a bad mood, and they make me unhappy with myself. So I do want to control them to the extent that I make them go away/stop thinking them. What is your advice?" Read your words - you said "they put me in a bad mood," and "they make me unhappy with myself." My advice is stop judging yourself so harshly! Your problem isn't the thoughts, your problem is your aversion to the thoughts. This aversion perpetuates attachment - it's like the old saying: "Whatever you fight only becomes stronger." We are conditioned to judge what happens and label it as "good" or "bad." If we label it as good, we cling to it and try to keep it from changing. If we label it as bad, we push it away or try to repress it. Both lead to suffering. In your case, you want thoughts you label as bad to go away. But, when they don't go away (or go away and then come back!), you get frustrated, upset, and the cycle of judgment continues. Trying to control thoughts is a futile task. Instead, learn to drop the labels and view what happens from a neutral perspective. How do you do that? By strengthening awareness. Awareness allows you to notice thoughts without getting caught up in them. And, it helps you develop the skill of moving your attention away from them when they aren't useful. This is commonly referred to as "letting them pass." You will find that thoughts are temporary - they arise, exist for a time, and cease (they come and go). You can watch them pass like clouds in the sky. And, in doing so, you realize the "content" of your mind doesn't matter; what matters is not indulging thoughts, and turning something temporary into something permanent (remember our quote above: "Whatever you fight [indulge] only becomes stronger"). Take the time and energy you previously spent trying to control thought and reallocate it to building a consistent meditation practice, and bring mindfulness to your daily life. The benefits can be life-changing. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. |