Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary!
This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required.
Here is the most common misconception we hear in regard to meditating:
"I've tried to meditate, but I can't stop thinking! It's so frustrating, so I gave up. My mind is just too busy."
The second most common misconception we hear is "I've tried to control my thoughts, but I can't do it. I try to force myself to be positive, but it's frustrating because no matter how hard I try, negative thoughts creep in."
These misconceptions become objections. Objections become reasons to stop meditating.
And, another person ends up saying "I tried to meditate, but it doesn't work for me."
Addressing the misconceptions
First, you can't stop thinking. Do you disagree? If so, take the next 30 seconds and try to do it.
[30 second pause]
How did it go? Here's how it usually goes for me:
When doing this exercise, people often think "I'm doing it - I'm not thinking!" before realizing this is, of course, a thought.
Next, you can't control your thoughts.
If you believe you can control your thoughts, what is your next one going to be? And the one after that? And the one after that?
Thoughts arise and pass. At times, they appear to fit the context of your current surroundings and situation. Much of the time, however, they don't - something just randomly pops into your head. Regardless, we have little insight into all of the causes and conditions that bring any particular thought into existence, whether it's relevant to what's going on around us or not.
Which brings us to the fact that you can't "force" yourself to eliminate thoughts. All of us have tried to. We label certain thoughts as negative or bad, and exercise willpower to banish them when they pop up. But, that proves the point - those thoughts still pop up! So, maybe we try to force ourselves to only think what we label positive or good thoughts. The common advice of "You have to think positive!" will only serve to frustrate you when negative thoughts sneak back in.
Not to mention, if you deliberately try and eliminate certain thoughts, you will actually think about them more.
Don't confuse what I'm saying - all else being equal, you do want to surround yourself with positive influences and consume material that will help you make better decisions, take better actions, and live a better life. And, there's nothing wrong with redirecting unskillful thoughts to skillful thoughts after you become aware of them.
The point is, don't waste your time and energy on the fruitless effort of trying to stop or control thoughts.
Which brings us back to meditation - if it's not stopping or controlling thoughts, what is it?
Why I meditate - and, why you should too
Meditation strengthens your awareness - it allows you to observe your mind and its non-stop activity without getting caught up in it.
Instead of identifying with your mind and turning thoughts and emotions into "your story," it teaches you to move your attention away from the mental noise and let it be as it is.
This is commonly referred to as "letting thoughts and emotions pass."
As you strengthen awareness and get better at controlling the focus of your attention, you are able to start chipping away at the conditioned behavior that leads to the daily struggles we all face (stress, feelings of anxiety and depression, problems with focus and productivity...).
As an example, you've no doubt had anxiety about something (or many things) in your life. Meditation will not make anxiety magically disappear. What it will do is allow you to change your relationship with it, and - as a result - reduce (and, oftentimes eliminate) the impact.
When the anxiety comes, you recognize it:
Notice it as it arises. Be aware of the thoughts, emotions, and sensations - this act of "being aware" helps you break identification with the mental activity. Realize you don't have to get caught up in the "mental drama" - instead, move your attention away from it and focus on the present moment.
Your mind will try to convince you that the drama it creates is urgent and critical, and in many cases a matter of "life or death." It will try to pull your attention back in. Through meditation, however, you learn you no longer have to take the bait.
Notice, and move your attention away. That's the key to liberation.
Is it uncomfortable? Sure - especially at first. But that's okay. You can sit with that discomfort, and it will pass too.
I use the analogy "like clouds in the sky" every day because it's easy to visualize. The thoughts come, as do the emotions they give rise to. And the same way it all comes, it all goes. Like clouds drifting from one side of the sky to the other.
The mental drama is not urgent. It's not permanent. You don't have to believe your mind when it tries to convince you otherwise.
At this point, we usually hear
"But, MY anxiety is different. It's much worse. I can't just watch it come and go."
Yes, you can.
Nothing changes in an instant - you are reversing a lifetime of conditioning, and it takes consistent effort. Some attempts will work better than others.
But, don't judge yourself - just continue the process. Take the first step, and then the next step, and then the next step...
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life.
"Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern.
Read Day 1 here (no email required).