Last updated March, 2018.
note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the end of this article (no email required).
"Meditation isn't a 'quick fix' or a spot treatment - you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice, and make it a habit you do every day."
It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!"
"I'm going through stressful times, and frankly I am finding it too hard to meditate. I can notice my thoughts when things are calm - but, when things are not calm, my ability to observe vanishes. And then if I force myself to meditate, I get more upset, more stressed, more angry than before. I've been trying for a few weeks now - any advice?"
You said you can notice thoughts when things are calm but not when they are stressful. Let me rephrase that for you: you are saying you can meditate unless it's too hard to meditate!
This doesn't apply to only you, or only to meditating. It's the case for most of us, and with most things in life.
When conditions are good, it's easy to do the things we are supposed to do. When conditions aren't good, however, it's hard to do the things we are supposed to do:
With meditating, you can't look at it as a "quick fix" or a spot treatment: you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice, and do it every day - whether things are going good or not (especially if they're not)!
This consistency and repetition will improve your ability to observe your compulsive mind and its non-stop activity, and it will raise your level of awareness so you can see everything unfolding. As a result, you learn not to get caught up in all of it. The more you do it, the more you will be able to carry that skill into stressful times and use it.
Put another way: practice makes perfect (though, technically, none of us will ever be perfect - so, practice makes better).
You also said meditating causes you to get more stressed, upset, and angry. Realize that meditating doesn't cause these thoughts, emotions, or mental states. It simply strengthens awareness of what is already there. So, by definition, you become more aware of your compulsive mind, your racing thoughts, and whatever they give rise to: stress, anxiety, depression, problems with focus, and so on.
But, again, it's already there whether you meditate or not.
While you can't run from it, you can ignore it - but that's not a healthy option. The thoughts and emotions will end up manifesting in different ways:
Instead of ignoring it, meditation treats it at the source. When you practice, your job is to:
Moving your attention away is the critical part, and meditating helps you develop this skill. Through a consistent practice, you learn that none of the mental activity is permanent. Your mind will try to convince you it is, but you can see for yourself it isn't. You can learn to watch it pass the same as you watched it come - just like clouds in the sky.
The reward that comes from a consistent practice is you no longer get lost in the drama of your compulsive mind, and - as a result - live a happier, more peaceful life.
Many of these concepts are expanded on in our free guide to mindfulness and meditation - it will teach you how to do it, and show you why you should. You don't need to register or provide any information - just go read it.
Every experience you will ever have is shaped by your mind. And, your mind has a bigger impact on your overall health and well-being than any other factor in your life. It quite literally determines the quality of your existence (read more...)