Meditation is hard in stressful times, and I think it makes me more stressed!

This article was last updated December, 2017. If you find it useful, learn about our online, self-paced program - Awareness-based therapy (ABT).

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Takeaway quote:

"Meditation isn't a 'quick fix' or a spot treatment - you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice, and make it a habit you do every day."

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It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!"

Cynthia writes:

"I'm going through stressful times, and frankly I am finding it too hard to meditate. I can notice my thoughts when things are calm - but, when things are not calm, my ability to observe vanishes. And then if I force myself to meditate, I get more upset, more stressed, more angry than before. I've been trying for a few weeks now - any advice?"

You said you can notice thoughts when things are calm but not when they are stressful. Let me rephrase that for you: you are saying you can meditate unless it's too hard to meditate!

This doesn't apply to only you, or only to meditating. It's the case for most of us, and with most things in life.

When conditions are good, it's easy to do the things we are supposed to do. When conditions aren't good, however, it's hard to do the things we are supposed to do:

• It's easy to be nice and understanding with those around us during calm and peaceful times. But, it's hard to do if you are stressed, trying to meet a deadline, dealing with rude people, in a bad mood, etc.
• Do you play sports? It's easy to perform when no one is around and the conditions are perfect. But, it's hard to do during the pressures of a game, when tensions are high and people are watching you/depending on you. 
• And, think about positive habits you try to develop and maintain - for example, exercising, eating healthy, cutting back on alcohol. If everything is going well around you, these habits are easier to stick with. But, they tend to be the first things to go if times get challenging.

With meditating, you can't look at it as a "quick fix" or a spot treatment: you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice, and do it every day - whether things are going good or not (especially if they're not)!

This consistency and repetition will improve your ability to observe your compulsive mind and its non-stop activity, and it will raise your level of awareness so you can see everything unfolding. As a result, you learn not to get caught up in all of it. The more you do it, the more you will be able to carry that skill into stressful times and use it. 

Put another way: practice makes perfect (though, technically, none of us will ever be perfect - so, practice makes better). 

You also said meditating causes you to get more stressed, upset, and angry. Realize that meditating doesn't cause these thoughts, emotions, or mental states. It simply strengthens awareness of what is already there. So, by definition, you become more aware of your compulsive mind, your racing thoughts, and whatever they give rise to: stress, anxiety, depression, problems with focus, and so on. 

But, again, it's already there whether you meditate or not.

While you can't run from it, you can ignore it - but that's not a healthy option. The thoughts and emotions will end up manifesting in different ways:

• Some people have "breakdowns."
• Some people lose their temper, or explode in anger/rage.
• Some people develop physical symptoms - headaches, back pain, neck pain, and other conditions.

Instead of ignoring it, meditation treats it at the source. When you practice, your job is to:

• Notice the activity (thoughts, emotions, urges, that inner-narrative).
• Refrain from judging and labeling.
• Move your attention away from the activity when you notice it.

Moving your attention away is the critical part, and meditating helps you develop this skill. Through a consistent practice, you learn that none of the mental activity is permanent. Your mind will try to convince you it is, but you can see for yourself it isn't. You can learn to watch it pass the same as you watched it come - just like clouds in the sky.

The reward that comes from a consistent practice is you no longer get lost in the drama of your compulsive mind, and - as a result - live a happier, more peaceful life.

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What if we told you the biggest problem in your life is that your mind is the biggest problem in your life, and you don’t realize it?

It is. But, our online, self-paced program can help you stop being a prisoner of thoughts, emotions, and urges.

Find out more about the ABT program here.
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