Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. One of our course participants, Dawn, asks the following question: "I constantly have thoughts of inadequacy. What is the best way to deal with them?" I'll start with a quote from Aristotle: It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. That quote is relevant to Dawn's question. But, I would change it a bit: It is the mark of a liberated (or enlightened) person to entertain a thought without identifying with it. Consider some of your recent thoughts of inadequacy - for simplicity, here are a few we all have at one time or another:
These could be in regard to a relationship, a task, a job, et cetera. What makes them so powerful? They are powerful because we identify with them. We believe "this is who I am":
We indulge these thoughts, and build stories around them. These stories take the form of an inner narrative that constantly plays in our head, perpetuating more thoughts and emotions, all revolving around the belief "this is who I am". It becomes a vicious cycle that can bury us in a landslide of mental noise...in this case, about how inadequate we are! Refer back to our examples above. You can take the path of trying to resist these thoughts. Maybe you work to convince yourself that you are good enough, that you aren't a failure, that you are deserving. Maybe you try to silence them through sheer willpower, constantly repeating to yourself:
Or, you can take the path of accepting these thoughts as true, and end up wallowing in self-doubt. They will become ingrained, and cause you to develop and reinforce a negative self-image...which only serves to sabotage your longer-term happiness and well-being. Regardless of which path you take, you are still identifying with thoughts. Whether you believe them to be true or false, "identifying" leads to self-imposed suffering. It conditions your behavior, and leads to habitual actions and reactions. The good news is, there's a better way to deal with thoughts. That better way is to recognize they are simply thoughts, and to understand they hold power over you only because you view them as personal and permanent. And, you can change this "personal and permanent" view. You can learn to observe thoughts without getting caught up in them. You can see thoughts for what they truly are: temporary phenomena that come and go (arise and pass). When you understand their temporary nature through direct experience, it's easier to stop identifying with them, and to stop chasing after what you consider "pleasant" and running away from what you consider "unpleasant." As you practice this, you will eventually learn to say "There are those thoughts again. I'm watching them come (arise), and I won't indulge them. I choose to move my attention away from them, and let them be as they are until they go (pass)." Is it really that simple? Yes, it is. Your attention causes thoughts to persist - when you indulge them, they become "sticky" and give rise to more thoughts. But, when you move your attention away from them, they will go the same as they came. They may return, but you just repeat this process again. Eventually, without your attention to energize them, they will stop being as persistent. This is the basis for mindfulness and meditation. While simple, it does take consistent practice. And, that's the problem for most people: consistent practice takes time and effort. And time and effort is, well, time and effort. We procrastinate. We forget. We prioritize other things ahead of it. We get comfortable in our suffering, and decide to accept the status quo. There's no "magic pill" to get you to take action. You simply have to make the decision to start doing it. If you decide to start, you'll find the effort is worth it. In fact, it's one of the most important things you can do for your happiness and well-being. So, decide now. Get started. Go do it! Your thoughts are as transient as the clouds in the sky - learn to watch them float by. You don't have to attach to them. You don't have to build a story around them. You don't have to identify with them. You don't have to follow your mind wherever it leads. If there is any "secret" to life, this is it! But, most people won't accept it. It's too simple. And, if they do accept it, they won't practice - they won't put in the time and effort. Don't be like most people! Addendum to the original article: Many readers asked about thoughts of superiority as opposed to thoughts of inadequacy. These are two sides of the same coin. Some examples:
Identifying with them ("this is who I am") leads to conditioned behavior, and habitual actions and reactions. As we see time and again, thoughts of superiority can cause actions that are detrimental to yourself and others. Not to mention if (when?) those thoughts are contradicted by reality, the resulting crash can be devastating. <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). 2020 update: We are glad people still come to this page after doing a search for "meditation challenge" - thanks for visiting our site. The 28-day meditation challenge for February, 2020 is now open. It's free, and you can sign up here. > 28-DAY MEDITATION CHALLENGE Now that the wave of "New Year's Resolutions" has passed, are you ready to do something that can REALLY change your life for the better? Beginning February 1st, we are doing the 28-day meditation challenge. We have a dedicated page on our website, and we will make daily posts to motivate you. You can do this, and we'll help! The goal is to meditate at least 5 minutes every day, for 28 days straight! Are you ready to stop being held hostage by the next thought, emotion, or urge that pops into your head? < Note: if you found this page during a time when the current year's meditation challenge is no longer open, you can read our free guide to mindfulness and meditation instead (no email required). Stop getting caught up in the stories running through your head.2023 marks our 20th anniversary - thank you for reading what we write! We keep this site ad-free - if you get value from it, click the link at the end of the article and read Day 1 of our 15-day self-study course to see if it's right for you. < I recently attended a concert and was amazed at the sight of a sea of smartphones being held high in the air recording the event. Reflect on the irony of going to a live show and recording it on your phone for later. Instead of enjoying the present moment and what is happening before your eyes, you are focused on capturing it to watch at some point "in the future." The price we pay for trying to capture these moments for future reference is the absence of enjoying the moment as it happens right now. Technology is a wonderful thing, but we can use it for not-so-wonderful purposes. I'm not trying to discourage you from capturing moments at important occasions. But, we do more than that: we try to "freeze" events for later instead of enjoying events as they occur. And, more often, we use technology to escape what's happening here and now. For example, have you looked around a busy restaurant lately? You see people sitting together, but not spending time together. They are on their phones texting, playing games, looking at social media, or browsing the web. It seems all of us spend a lot of time somewhere other than where we actually are. Why? Because we are lost in our minds, and our minds compulsively lead us around. They constantly churn out thoughts, emotions, and stories. They are never content with "here and now," and pull our attention into the past, push it into the future, or create an alternate reality (fantasy) to mentally visit. Some examples:
In short, you are physically in one place but your mind takes you to another place. And, this happens all the time - we just aren't aware of it because it's our natural state of being (i.e., we aren't aware of it because it happens all the time!). And, if we encounter moments of silence, we call them "awkward." They are uncomfortable, and we want to fill that silence with something. Anything! The world around us is happy to oblige. We are constantly bombarded with stimuli: the next post, tweet, or picture...on-demand radio and television, games, ads, websites, storefronts. The list goes on and on, as we're inundated with sights, sounds, smells...and our attention jumps from one "shiny object" to another (to another, to another). Taking all of this into consideration, it should come as no surprise that when you identify with your mind, you are constantly restless. You are uncomfortable in the present moment, you are uncomfortable with silence, and you always want to be doing something other than what you are actually doing. As a result, you have an ongoing struggle with things like stress, feelings of anxiety and depression, problems focusing and being productive, a negative self-image, et cetera. What's the solution to this problem? Strengthen awareness of your mind and mental activity. Recognize how it captures your attention, and pushes and pulls you around. How do you do that? Sit down and focus your attention on your breath - breathe in and breathe out, and when you notice that your attention has wandered, simply return it to your breath. Notice and return, over and over again. This is the essence of mindfulness and meditation, and consistently doing this exercise will start you down the path of observing what happens without getting caught up in it (without getting swept away by it). You will come to see thoughts aren't permanent - they arise and pass. And they aren't "you," because you can watch them as they arise and pass. Emotions arise and pass, too. And, what about that voice in your head that comments on and judges everything and everyone (including you!)? It arises and passes. All of this can be observed. And, the better you get at observing it, the more you learn you don't have to indulge it. As such, you are able to start chipping away at the conditioned behavior you've been held hostage by, and the habitual actions (and reactions) that result. In addition to strengthening awareness, make an effort to step away from the technology - even if it's just for small amounts of time. Put the phone on silent, turn off the monitor, close the laptop; spend a few minutes enjoying your surroundings and the present moment. Go for a walk and leave your devices at home. Most of all, enjoy now NOW. note: if this article resonated with you, you'll probably like this short video: <>
Explore more: "Your inner narrative" - read Day 1 of our 15-day self-study course, and learn to stop getting caught up in the stories your mind creates. And, if you're looking for our free guide, you can find it here. Happy New Year from meditationSHIFT and tad! The tad Facebook page Have you seen our Facebook page? We have posted over 80 essays since 2012 on topics ranging from living in the present moment to compassion, happiness, awareness, judgment, and dealing with stress, anxiety, and other emotions. Scroll through the tad Facebook page and you may find something enlightening (if something resonates, please "Like" it and "Like" the page as well). Free guide to mindfulness and meditation Now that 2014 is here, do you want to be more mindful? Do you want to learn how to better deal with your compulsive mind and the non-stop thoughts it creates? If so, give meditating a shot for the next 30 days. Get our free meditation guide - it explains why you should do it, and basic instructions for how. Toss out the New Year's resolutions and do something that can really change your life! The tad blog We started this blog in November, and made several posts over the past month. You can find the links below - if you find any of them meaningful, please "Like" or "Tweet" at the bottom of each post (note - we now have an index of our writing: words).
Check back next week, and get updates when we publish something new! < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. |