Average read time: 5 minutes.
My mind was like a puppy, awkwardly hopping (or, more accurately, stumbling) from one thing to the next, unable to settle on any particular object for more than a few seconds.
Meet your mind
Before we delve further into craving, we should take a few minutes to become familiar with our minds.
It's been over 20 years since I first attempted to intentionally watch what my mind was doing. It was an eye-opening experience, and I wrote about it in an article over a decade ago. Here’s an excerpt:
>>>
I discovered my mind was absolutely crazy.
The thoughts I witnessed bounced around from things that happened years before to things that happened at work that morning, as well as everything I should have been doing instead of making an effort to watch my mind.
I found myself caught up in thoughts about someone from a previous job who always managed to irritate me. I left that job 18 months prior, and hadn't spoken to - or heard from - that person since. Why did they still occupy a space in my head?
Staying with the "irritated" theme, there were thoughts about a friend I had upset the week before. I inadvertently said something that made her angry, and I still felt bad (and guilty) about it.
With a sudden jolt, I wondered if I put a stamp on the envelope I dropped in the mailbox that morning. It was my car payment, and a slight panic set in because the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself I forgot. It turns out I didn't, because the check cleared the following week.
editor's note - this dates me a bit; these days I don't write many checks or pay many bills by mail!
From there, thoughts arose about other bills I needed to pay. That led to my "to-do list," which I began reviewing in my head. I remembered a meeting coming up Friday where I was expected to give an update on several projects, so I began brainstorming what I should say. Also, my boss gave me an action item to follow up on in the last meeting, and it occurred to me I hadn't done anything about it (mainly because I forgot until just that moment!).
My memory lapse caused frustration - not just with myself, but with my boss for making me do extra work in the first place!
The peak of my mind's craziness occurred when I found myself lost in thought about the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark". I hadn't seen it in over ten years, so I have no idea why it popped into my head. But it did, and I was mentally replaying the scene where they were getting ready to open the Ark and a fly appeared to crawl into the antagonist's mouth.
Did he eat it? Was it an accident - a "blooper?" Or, was it intentional? I should really try to find out.
editor's note - today I would just Google it.
When I realized I had been dwelling on this far too long - actually, when I realized I had been dwelling on this for any time at all - I proceeded to judge and berate myself:
I may have called myself a harsh name or two, and it all resulted in feelings of frustration, disappointment, and lowered self-worth.
My mind was like a puppy, awkwardly hopping (or, more accurately, stumbling) from one thing to the next, unable to settle on any particular object for more than a few seconds.
And the really bad part was, I couldn't stop it.
I tried to: I "willed" myself to stop it. I commanded myself to stop it. All to no avail.
<<<
If you've ever meditated, or tried to meditate, you've probably experienced something similar on more than one occasion.
Even if you've never meditated, you've probably caught yourself at a moment in your daily life when you were lost in thought, and snapped back to the present moment with a sense of bewilderment:
And then, of course, you move on to the next thing that captures your attention.
Regardless, you quickly come to realize the meaning of the word "compulsive." Have you ever said or thought "My mind is racing!"? Or, "I can't stop thinking!"?
Your mind, like my mind, is always going. The few times you notice it - whether intentional or by accident - are akin to noticing a wave but failing to see the ocean.
Our minds pull us into the past and give rise to self-doubt, regrets, or longing for better times that have gone by:
Our minds project us into the future and give rise to worry and stress about what might happen, or things we need to do. Maybe we're angry at our boss, and strategize about talking to him regarding his unreasonable demands. Maybe we're worried about our finances and making ends meet. Maybe we're having an existential crisis:
If they're not pulling us into the past or projecting us into the future, our minds launch us into alternate realities to escape the present moment and fantasize about being famous or wealthy. Or, having the perfect comeback to someone who always annoys us. Or, to simply imagine being somewhere other than here and now doing something other than what we're actually doing (or, supposed to be doing).
And, our minds try to convince us there’s a time in the future when everything will be perfect - if only we have "this job," "that car," live in some other place, or meet someone who fulfills a lofty set of (ever-changing) criteria.
This happens continuously, but most of us don’t realize the extent to which it occurs because our attention is always caught up in the content of our minds. We spend most of our days "lost in thought." It's like watching a movie and getting so wrapped up in it, you forget you are actually watching a movie until it ends.
Only, there's no end to your mind's compulsive nature. It doesn’t just run for 90 minutes and then release your attention back to you.
Instead, it's constantly going, giving rise to thoughts that lead to emotions and urges and stories, all of which condition our behavior and lead to habitual actions and reactions. And, this process usually happens with little or no active participation from us. We spend most of our life following our minds wherever they lead, without being aware we are almost always following our minds wherever they lead.
But, we don't connect this to our stress, anxiety, or "problems" - whether those problems are perceived to be with our job, significant other, friends and family, or the world around us. Instead, we get moody, and find ourselves confronted with turbulent emotions and mental states we must either fight or succumb to. And, all of these things become "the struggles of life."
The question is, what's the underlying theme of all this turmoil - of our mind's compulsive nature?
The answer is, we have a perpetual mental craving for things to be different than they are.
Put another way,
Our minds are forever trying to create a world where we can finally be happy, surrounded by everything we like and protected from everything we dislike. Ironically, this "endless search" for happiness takes away our ability to actually be happy. And, more damaging to our health and well-being, this process constantly creates our stress, struggles, and suffering.
Go back to "An owner's guide to the mind."
It's been over 20 years since I first attempted to intentionally watch what my mind was doing. It was an eye-opening experience, and I wrote about it in an article over a decade ago. Here’s an excerpt:
>>>
I discovered my mind was absolutely crazy.
The thoughts I witnessed bounced around from things that happened years before to things that happened at work that morning, as well as everything I should have been doing instead of making an effort to watch my mind.
I found myself caught up in thoughts about someone from a previous job who always managed to irritate me. I left that job 18 months prior, and hadn't spoken to - or heard from - that person since. Why did they still occupy a space in my head?
Staying with the "irritated" theme, there were thoughts about a friend I had upset the week before. I inadvertently said something that made her angry, and I still felt bad (and guilty) about it.
With a sudden jolt, I wondered if I put a stamp on the envelope I dropped in the mailbox that morning. It was my car payment, and a slight panic set in because the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself I forgot. It turns out I didn't, because the check cleared the following week.
editor's note - this dates me a bit; these days I don't write many checks or pay many bills by mail!
From there, thoughts arose about other bills I needed to pay. That led to my "to-do list," which I began reviewing in my head. I remembered a meeting coming up Friday where I was expected to give an update on several projects, so I began brainstorming what I should say. Also, my boss gave me an action item to follow up on in the last meeting, and it occurred to me I hadn't done anything about it (mainly because I forgot until just that moment!).
My memory lapse caused frustration - not just with myself, but with my boss for making me do extra work in the first place!
The peak of my mind's craziness occurred when I found myself lost in thought about the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark". I hadn't seen it in over ten years, so I have no idea why it popped into my head. But it did, and I was mentally replaying the scene where they were getting ready to open the Ark and a fly appeared to crawl into the antagonist's mouth.
Did he eat it? Was it an accident - a "blooper?" Or, was it intentional? I should really try to find out.
editor's note - today I would just Google it.
When I realized I had been dwelling on this far too long - actually, when I realized I had been dwelling on this for any time at all - I proceeded to judge and berate myself:
- "Can't you just focus for a minute?"
- "Why are you thinking about a random movie you haven't seen in over a decade?"
- "What's wrong with you?"
I may have called myself a harsh name or two, and it all resulted in feelings of frustration, disappointment, and lowered self-worth.
My mind was like a puppy, awkwardly hopping (or, more accurately, stumbling) from one thing to the next, unable to settle on any particular object for more than a few seconds.
And the really bad part was, I couldn't stop it.
I tried to: I "willed" myself to stop it. I commanded myself to stop it. All to no avail.
<<<
If you've ever meditated, or tried to meditate, you've probably experienced something similar on more than one occasion.
Even if you've never meditated, you've probably caught yourself at a moment in your daily life when you were lost in thought, and snapped back to the present moment with a sense of bewilderment:
- "Why was I thinking about that?"
- "Where did those thoughts come from?"
And then, of course, you move on to the next thing that captures your attention.
Regardless, you quickly come to realize the meaning of the word "compulsive." Have you ever said or thought "My mind is racing!"? Or, "I can't stop thinking!"?
Your mind, like my mind, is always going. The few times you notice it - whether intentional or by accident - are akin to noticing a wave but failing to see the ocean.
Our minds pull us into the past and give rise to self-doubt, regrets, or longing for better times that have gone by:
- "Why did I do that?"
- "Why didn't I do this?"
- "Why can't it be like it used to be?"
Our minds project us into the future and give rise to worry and stress about what might happen, or things we need to do. Maybe we're angry at our boss, and strategize about talking to him regarding his unreasonable demands. Maybe we're worried about our finances and making ends meet. Maybe we're having an existential crisis:
- "Will I ever meet the love of my life?"
- "Will I be successful (or, at the very least, as successful as Bob)?"
- "Will I get the things I always wanted (or, at the very least, have as much as Mary)?"
- "Will my kids grow up to be productive members of society (or, degenerates)?"
If they're not pulling us into the past or projecting us into the future, our minds launch us into alternate realities to escape the present moment and fantasize about being famous or wealthy. Or, having the perfect comeback to someone who always annoys us. Or, to simply imagine being somewhere other than here and now doing something other than what we're actually doing (or, supposed to be doing).
And, our minds try to convince us there’s a time in the future when everything will be perfect - if only we have "this job," "that car," live in some other place, or meet someone who fulfills a lofty set of (ever-changing) criteria.
This happens continuously, but most of us don’t realize the extent to which it occurs because our attention is always caught up in the content of our minds. We spend most of our days "lost in thought." It's like watching a movie and getting so wrapped up in it, you forget you are actually watching a movie until it ends.
Only, there's no end to your mind's compulsive nature. It doesn’t just run for 90 minutes and then release your attention back to you.
Instead, it's constantly going, giving rise to thoughts that lead to emotions and urges and stories, all of which condition our behavior and lead to habitual actions and reactions. And, this process usually happens with little or no active participation from us. We spend most of our life following our minds wherever they lead, without being aware we are almost always following our minds wherever they lead.
But, we don't connect this to our stress, anxiety, or "problems" - whether those problems are perceived to be with our job, significant other, friends and family, or the world around us. Instead, we get moody, and find ourselves confronted with turbulent emotions and mental states we must either fight or succumb to. And, all of these things become "the struggles of life."
The question is, what's the underlying theme of all this turmoil - of our mind's compulsive nature?
The answer is, we have a perpetual mental craving for things to be different than they are.
Put another way,
Our minds are forever trying to create a world where we can finally be happy, surrounded by everything we like and protected from everything we dislike. Ironically, this "endless search" for happiness takes away our ability to actually be happy. And, more damaging to our health and well-being, this process constantly creates our stress, struggles, and suffering.
Go back to "An owner's guide to the mind."
