Our minds are forever trying to create a world where we can be happy, surrounded by everything we like and protected from everything we dislike. Our struggles and suffering are the result of this process.
Introduction to craving
We may not like it, but most of us accept that life tends to be a roller coaster of ups and downs.
Even so, many of us have a suspicion there's a better way to live - a way with less struggles and suffering, and more happiness.
Or, at least, a content "state of being" we can maintain with better consistency.
You can spend much of your life searching for this better way to live, and many of us do. Ironically, this is a symptom of the problem itself: we have a perpetual mental craving for things to be different than they are.
Our existence is marked by a gap between what is happening now, and what we want to be happening. This craving for something to be different is easy to spot when we are faced with challenges and difficult situations. It's more difficult to see when times are good. But, even in moments of happiness, there's usually a nagging feeling we could be happier "if only" something was added, changed, or fixed. Or, there's an underlying fear the good times will come to an end.
In some cases, craving can be dramatic:
In other cases, it's a more subtle longing for things to be different:
Craving also manifests as a desire to avoid or escape discomfort through distraction, procrastination, and boredom. Discomfort takes on many forms:
Regardless, our experience of life is always colored by a perpetual craving for things to be different than they are. It's our natural state of being and - as such - we go through our day largely unaware of it, and how it shapes "who we are" and "what we do."
This craving sends us on an endless search for happiness and security. We constantly endeavor to surround ourselves with what we like, and shield ourselves from what we dislike.
But, any happiness and security that come from this search are fleeting, because the circumstances we seek to find them in are unable to provide lasting satisfaction.
So, we constantly run in circles, chasing after pleasure and trying to avoid pain. This is "normal life," but we usually don't realize it. Or, if we do, we usually don't acknowledge it. Everyone does the same thing, so why should we be any different?
Our existence is a never-ending quest for "the next thing" (objects, people and relationships, experiences), or attempts to change our current circumstances ("If only...", "I wish...", "Why can't..."). This ongoing effort to fill the gap - mentally and physically - between what is happening now and what we want to be happening leads to the struggles we face in life: from everyday stress to recurring emotions like anger and frustration to feelings of anxiety and depression.
The question is, can we break out of this cycle that always has us running after what we like and running away from what we dislike? Is there a way to be happy before something happens - a way to be happy even if the external circumstances in our lives are less than optimal? Can we find relief from persistent negative emotions? Can we break free from undesirable mental states?
We never seem to find suitable answers to these questions. Granted, there are many different ways we try to cope:
These may, at best, help us find a temporary respite from our struggles and suffering.
They may, at worst, add more struggles and suffering to our already-full plate (hint: they usually do).
Regardless, we eventually find ourselves asking the same questions again:
This program provides answers to these questions. It teaches you how your mind works, and provides a path to help you move beyond "coping" to achieving and maintaining a more consistent state of well-being.
Go back to "An owner's guide to the mind."
Even so, many of us have a suspicion there's a better way to live - a way with less struggles and suffering, and more happiness.
Or, at least, a content "state of being" we can maintain with better consistency.
You can spend much of your life searching for this better way to live, and many of us do. Ironically, this is a symptom of the problem itself: we have a perpetual mental craving for things to be different than they are.
Our existence is marked by a gap between what is happening now, and what we want to be happening. This craving for something to be different is easy to spot when we are faced with challenges and difficult situations. It's more difficult to see when times are good. But, even in moments of happiness, there's usually a nagging feeling we could be happier "if only" something was added, changed, or fixed. Or, there's an underlying fear the good times will come to an end.
In some cases, craving can be dramatic:
- "I want a new job..."
- "I want a new relationship..."
- "I wish I could just start over - I want a new life!"
- "I need to get rid of my anxiety - it's KILLING me!"
In other cases, it's a more subtle longing for things to be different:
- "I wish my significant other would change this or do that."
- "If only I had more money (or a better education, or a more supportive family, or a new car), I could do X or be Y."
- "I wish I was younger (or older, or skinnier, or in better shape...)."
- "I'm a good person, and people should treat me better!"
Craving also manifests as a desire to avoid or escape discomfort through distraction, procrastination, and boredom. Discomfort takes on many forms:
- Not wanting to be where we are, doing what we're doing;
- The loss (and the fear of loss) of things we care about;
- Our own aging, illness, and death.
Regardless, our experience of life is always colored by a perpetual craving for things to be different than they are. It's our natural state of being and - as such - we go through our day largely unaware of it, and how it shapes "who we are" and "what we do."
This craving sends us on an endless search for happiness and security. We constantly endeavor to surround ourselves with what we like, and shield ourselves from what we dislike.
But, any happiness and security that come from this search are fleeting, because the circumstances we seek to find them in are unable to provide lasting satisfaction.
So, we constantly run in circles, chasing after pleasure and trying to avoid pain. This is "normal life," but we usually don't realize it. Or, if we do, we usually don't acknowledge it. Everyone does the same thing, so why should we be any different?
Our existence is a never-ending quest for "the next thing" (objects, people and relationships, experiences), or attempts to change our current circumstances ("If only...", "I wish...", "Why can't..."). This ongoing effort to fill the gap - mentally and physically - between what is happening now and what we want to be happening leads to the struggles we face in life: from everyday stress to recurring emotions like anger and frustration to feelings of anxiety and depression.
The question is, can we break out of this cycle that always has us running after what we like and running away from what we dislike? Is there a way to be happy before something happens - a way to be happy even if the external circumstances in our lives are less than optimal? Can we find relief from persistent negative emotions? Can we break free from undesirable mental states?
We never seem to find suitable answers to these questions. Granted, there are many different ways we try to cope:
- We acquire material things;
- We change jobs;
- We take vacations;
- We consume self-help resources;
- We see the doctor or therapist;
- We take prescription medication;
- We end one relationship and start another;
- We eat too much, drink too much, or use drugs;
- We try "forced positive thinking" or repeating affirmations;
- We bury ourselves in work, games, or other activities.
These may, at best, help us find a temporary respite from our struggles and suffering.
They may, at worst, add more struggles and suffering to our already-full plate (hint: they usually do).
Regardless, we eventually find ourselves asking the same questions again:
- Can we break out of this cycle of chasing after pleasure and trying to avoid pain?
- Is there a way to be happy before something happens - a way to be happy even if the external circumstances in our lives are less than optimal?
- Can we find relief from persistent negative emotions like anger and frustration?
- Can we break free from feelings of anxiety and depression, and undesirable mental states?
This program provides answers to these questions. It teaches you how your mind works, and provides a path to help you move beyond "coping" to achieving and maintaining a more consistent state of well-being.
Go back to "An owner's guide to the mind."
