Thanks for visiting - last year (2023) marked our 20th anniversary! In 2024 we're releasing our newest program - it helps people who are stuck in a constant state of fight-or-flight. You can read more about it by clicking the link at the bottom of this article. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Erica writes: "I've read a lot about meditating on the Internet and, to be honest, it's very confusing. There seem to be dozens of different types, and conflicting instructions on what to do and how to do it. What type of meditation should I focus on? Or, should I do more than one type of meditation? I really don't know where to start." When you Google "how to meditate," you'll find millions of results (seriously!). We constantly get questions on how the different types compare, and which one somebody should practice: Samatha (or concentration), Vipassana (or insight), mindfulness, zazen, metta (or loving-kindness), guided, transcendental, MBSR...the list goes on and on. There are a lot of methods. There's a lot of advice. And, as you pointed out, much of it conflicts! It's easy to suffer information overload, which - according to Wikipedia - leads to a reduction in decision quality and a likelihood of no action being taken. That's a bit disheartening: there's so much information available that it overwhelms a lot of people and, as a result, they won't even attempt to meditate. It doesn't have to be complicated, though. The question I ask people is "Why do you want to meditate?" These are the most popular answers:
The one thing these answers have in common is a need to better understand the mind. Once you begin to understand the mind, how it works, and the problems it creates in your life, then you can focus on the method. If you don't have this understanding, however, you'll probably view meditating as a chore or an item to check off your "to-do list." That means you will bounce around from one type of meditation to another, never really focusing, and abandoning your efforts after a short period of time. In order to understand the mind, you need to become aware of the filters and constructs it places on top of reality. Put simply, we don't see things as they are - we see things as our minds present them. This brings us full circle to the original question: "What type of meditation do I focus on?" My answer is simple: when you strip away all the extraneous stuff, there is only ONE type. This one type involves strengthening awareness (also known as "cultivating mindfulness"), and learning to notice your mind and its activity (also known as "mental noise") without getting caught up in it. One more time: strengthening awareness and learning to notice your mind and its activity without getting caught up in it. What do we call this one type? Meditating! No fancy names, no extra labels, no added complexity. Here are the steps:
Don't get frustrated if it takes you a while to notice your attention has wandered from your anchor - sometimes you catch it immediately, sometimes it takes longer. It doesn't matter - simply return it to your anchor when you do notice. Notice and return, over and over and over again. As you develop more experience, attempt to actively refrain from judging and labeling thoughts, emotions, or anything else that arises. Drop the urge to categorize "this" as good or positive and "that" as bad or negative. Thoughts are just thoughts. Emotions are just emotions. They hold no special power over you unless you give it to them. They will go the same as they came, provided you don't cling to them and make them "yours." And, provided you don't try to chase after what gives you pleasant feelings or run away from what gives you unpleasant feelings. If you observe instead of interfering, you will see everything progress through a natural cycle of arising (coming), existing for a time, and passing (going). Don't get mad if a sound interrupts your practice. If something itches and you have to scratch it, scratch it. If you have to shift your position, shift your position. At the same time, if you can notice discomfort and the desire to alleviate it (scratching, shifting) and let it pass without acting on it, then do so. After all, discomfort is just discomfort. And, thoughts about discomfort are just thoughts about discomfort. And, urges to do something are just urges to do something. Simply return your attention to your anchor once you notice it has wandered and you're caught up in thoughts. Notice and return, over and over and over again. What does this do for you? If you develop a consistent practice, it gets easier to observe thoughts, emotions, and urges when you aren't practicing: this is referred to as being mindful. As you go through your day, you can see this "mental noise" as it arises and realize you don't have to get caught up in it or react to every single thing that happens around (or inside) you. Instead, you learn to let it all be as it is, independent of you and your attention. This is commonly referred to as "letting thoughts and emotions go," or letting them pass. It means you are choosing not to follow them down a path that culminates in conditioned behavior and habitual actions and reactions - a path that leads to struggles with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, et cetera. That's it. Forget all the different types, forget the labels, forget the complexity. Just start. Why not set a timer for 5 minutes right now? ___Are you stuck in a constant state of fight-or-flight? Are you struggling with all the problems it causes?
Are you even aware of all the problems it causes? If this sounds like you, read more about our newest program here. Last updated October, 2018. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Stephen writes: "I enjoy your articles and get a lot from your blog posts. But, when I read something like what you posted on Medium last week (Stop trying to control your thoughts), it confuses me. I have a lot of negative thoughts, and thoughts that I don't want to continue. They put me in a bad mood, and they make me unhappy with myself. So I do want to control them to the extent that I make them go away/stop thinking them. What is your advice?" Read your words - you said "they put me in a bad mood," and "they make me unhappy with myself." My advice is stop judging yourself so harshly! Your problem isn't the thoughts, your problem is your aversion to the thoughts. This aversion perpetuates attachment - it's like the old saying: "Whatever you fight only becomes stronger." We are conditioned to judge what happens and label it as "good" or "bad." If we label it as good, we cling to it and try to keep it from changing. If we label it as bad, we push it away or try to repress it. Both lead to suffering. In your case, you want thoughts you label as bad to go away. But, when they don't go away (or go away and then come back!), you get frustrated, upset, and the cycle of judgment continues. Trying to control thoughts is a futile task. Instead, learn to drop the labels and view what happens from a neutral perspective. How do you do that? By strengthening awareness. Awareness allows you to notice thoughts without getting caught up in them. And, it helps you develop the skill of moving your attention away from them when they aren't useful. This is commonly referred to as "letting them pass." You will find that thoughts are temporary - they arise, exist for a time, and cease (they come and go). You can watch them pass like clouds in the sky. And, in doing so, you realize the "content" of your mind doesn't matter; what matters is not indulging thoughts, and turning something temporary into something permanent (remember our quote above: "Whatever you fight [indulge] only becomes stronger"). Take the time and energy you previously spent trying to control thought and reallocate it to building a consistent meditation practice, and bring mindfulness to your daily life. The benefits can be life-changing. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. Last updated July, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out our 15-day meditation challenge: "Your inner narrative". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Cynthia writes: "I'm going through stressful times, and frankly I am finding it too hard to meditate. I can notice my thoughts when things are calm - but, when things are not calm, my ability to observe vanishes. At that point, if I force myself to meditate, I get more upset, more stressed, more angry than before. I've been trying for a few weeks now - any advice?" You said you can notice thoughts when things are calm but not when they are stressful. Let me rephrase that for you: you are saying you can meditate unless it's too hard to meditate! You aren't alone. It doesn't apply only to you, and it doesn't apply only to meditating. To the contrary, it's the case for most of us, and it's the case with most things in life! When conditions are good, it's easy to do the things we are supposed to do. When conditions aren't good, it's hard to do the things we are supposed to do:
It's important not to look at meditating as a "quick fix" or spot treatment: you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice and do it every day - whether things are going good or not. Especially if they're not! This consistency and repetition will improve your ability to observe your compulsive mind and its non-stop activity, and it will strengthen awareness so you can see everything as it unfolds. As a result, you learn not to get caught up in all of it. The more you do it (sit and practice), the more you will be able to carry that skill into stressful times and use it. Put another way: practice makes perfect. Though, technically, perfection isn't skillful to strive for - so, practice makes better. You also said meditating causes you to get more stressed, upset, and angry. Realize that meditating doesn't cause these thoughts, emotions, or mental states - it simply strengthens awareness of what is already there. So, by definition, you become more aware of your mind, your racing thoughts, and whatever they give rise to: stress, anxiety, depression, problems with focus, and so on. But, again, it's already there whether you meditate or not. While you can't run from it, you can ignore it - but that's not a healthy option. The thoughts and emotions will end up manifesting in different ways:
The good news is, meditating doesn't ignore it - it treats the root cause. When you practice, your job is to:
Moving your attention away is the critical part, and meditating helps you develop this skill. Through a consistent practice, you learn that none of the mental activity is permanent. Your mind will try to convince you that it is - but, you can directly experience that it isn't. You can learn to observe it all as it comes into being, exists, and ceases. Or, as we're fond of saying, you can watch it all pass the same as you watched it all come - just like clouds moving across the sky. The reward that comes from a consistent practice is you no longer get lost in the drama of your compulsive mind. And, as a result, you can live a happier, more peaceful life. "Your inner narrative"How do I just “let things be”?
“Your thoughts about the situation cause you to suffer more than the situation itself” — what does that even mean? How do I get proper instruction in meditation and mindfulness? “Your inner narrative” — our 15 day meditation challenge — answers all these questions (click here to read about it). This article was last updated October, 2018. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). Here is this weeks installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Renee writes: "I want to be able to eliminate my bad, destructive thoughts. Is there a certain type of meditation I should practice to help me do this?" This is a variation of the most common misconception that exists when it comes to meditating: that you are supposed to stop thinking. Meditation is not about
If you try to do any of these things, you will meet with frustration and quickly give up the practice. And, to Renee's specific question, the "Ironic process theory" states that if you deliberately try to eliminate certain thoughts, you will actually think about them more. For example, try not to think about a pink elephant. Okay, including a picture of one at the top of this article makes the exercise more difficult. But, even without the picture, you would most likely be thinking about a pink elephant right now! Trying to suppress thoughts, trying to force yourself to think only positive thoughts, and trying to completely stop your mind from thinking are all fruitless ventures. The good news is, you don't need to do any of that! Thoughts are just thoughts. It isn't the content of your mind that matters, it's how you let it condition your behavior (decisions, actions, reactions). This is where meditating can help, provided you practice equanimity when you do it. Equanimity dictates you view all thoughts impartially, and don't label them "good," "bad," "positive," or "negative." Exercising a non-judgmental view is key to realizing the benefits of mindfulness and meditation - so, hold the intention to stop judging the contents of your mind! Thoughts are just thoughts. They come into being, exist, and cease - provided you don't build a story around them which perpetuates their existence and gives rise to more thoughts. And, provided you don't try to cling to "these" and push away "those." Your mind constantly attempts to do this, and labeling only makes it easier:
When you meditate, strive to notice your thoughts without prejudice. Strengthen your awareness, and see them for what they are: temporary phenomena that come and go, like clouds moving across the sky. Instead of getting caught up in them, you can choose to simply let them pass by (let them be as they are, independent of you and your attention). Thoughts are just thoughts. They hold power over you only if you let them. They hold power over you if you blindly follow them wherever they lead. Unfortunately, people generally go through life like this - they operate on autopilot, being pushed and pulled around by their minds. As a result, their daily existence is mired in what we refer to as "the struggles of life":
Mindfulness and meditation help you escape these struggles. As Guy Finley says, The only reason your mind won't stop its endless chattering is because you won't stop listening to it. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. Last updated October, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out our 15-day meditation challenge: "Your inner narrative". Here is a famous Taoist story that offers several valuable lessons: >>> There was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years, and one day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses and was thrown, breaking his leg as a result. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer. <<< One lesson: quite often, our initial reaction to a particular situation is wrong. Another lesson: how we view what happens often affects us more than the actual happening itself. And, another lesson: we should refrain from labeling. Most of us understand the first two lessons, but the third is usually dismissed because - over the course of our lives - we have developed the habit of labeling everything. Experiences are inherently neutral, but we label them as "positive/good" or "negative/bad." Then, we apply the conditioning we associate with those labels. And, this conditioning dictates our behavior (decisions, actions, reactions). This is how a single incident - something you see, something someone says to you, something you think about - can end up "ruining your day" (or week, or month, or life!). Labels aren't just relegated to "good or bad," nor do we only label experiences - we also label each other. Color, political affiliation, religious belief, nationality, favorite sports team: there is an endless supply of labels, and once we apply those labels it makes it easy to view other people as different from us. It makes it easy to dislike them because of all the thoughts and emotions we associate with the labels we applied to them. In essence, we cease viewing them as people and now view them as the label. They are terrorists. They are Republicans/Democrats. They are [insert label here]. Think about war: we aren't killing people, we are killing the label of "enemy." But, as the farmer in the Taoist story above illustrates, resisting the urge to label allows us to view people, places, and events from a more neutral perspective. We see things as they are, not as we make them because of our own bias. And, not from the perspective of an inner narrative that judges and clouds reality. By seeing things as they are, we can take more skillful actions, build stronger relationships, and be more compassionate and understanding. Life is full of peaks and valleys. But, you can minimize their effects by approaching experience from a more neutral perspective. In doing so, you keep yourself from getting stuck on a roller coaster fueled by your own judgment. The question is, how do you break the labeling habit? The answer is, you strengthen awareness of it through meditation and mindfulness. As noted earlier, we have developed the habit of labeling everything. By strengthening awareness, you can notice this habit throughout the day. Watch what happens after you become conscious of sensory input (a sight, a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation, or even a thought). Your mind labels it, putting it into a category based on your personal history (background and culture). Labels are your mind's attempt to make sense of the world by putting experience into "this box" or "that box," whether it actually fits or not. As you become more skilled at noticing your mind doing this, you can stop the process from completing. You can interrupt it, and - as a result - stop the way labels dictate your behavior. Practice is key, however. You can't just flip a switch and reverse a habit that has developed over a lifetime. What do you get in return for your efforts? Happiness, peace, and contentment that aren't dependent on - or affected by - external factors. "Your inner narrative"How do I just “let things be”?
“Your thoughts about the situation cause you to suffer more than the situation itself” — what does that even mean? How do I get proper instruction in meditation and mindfulness? “Your inner narrative” — our 15 day meditation challenge — answers all these questions (click here to read about it). |