note - this turned out to be one of our top five most read and recommended articles ever! We published a new article on the site Medium. Here is an excerpt: "On the other hand, suppress is defined as “forcibly put an end to; prevent.” Meditation is the opposite of that definition — when you meditate, you aren’t trying to forcibly end or prevent anything. To the contrary, you accept it all non-judgmentally. Put another way, meditation is embracing whatever is happening in the present moment. The distinction, however, is that meditating isn’t wallowing in thoughts and emotions. Nor is it dwelling on or analyzing them." Go to Medium to read the rest (you don't need to create an account to read it, but if you have an account and enjoy the article, please "Recommend" it). You can find all of Jon's articles on Medium here. Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Last updated October, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Bill writes: "If I really focus on the music I listen to and don't let my mind wander, is that a form of meditation? I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra, but I find that I can focus really well on music I like." This is a great question, because it allows us to talk about the difference between mindfulness and meditation (and how they work together). Based on your description, you are listening to music mindfully - and, that's a good thing! The ultimate goal for me is to be mindful in everything I do, which is why I meditate every day. MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION, EXPLAINED When you meditate, you strengthen awareness (cultivate mindfulness) of your thoughts, emotions, and urges - as well as the stories that play on a constant loop in your head. You develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Mindfulness is transferring that skill to the rest of your day when you aren't meditating. If you are doing things mindfully, you aren't distracted by thoughts about the past or future (or, some alternate reality). Instead, your attention is fully on the task at hand: working, playing, talking to a friend, washing the dishes, walking the dog, listening to music, et cetera. What does that mean to you? The human condition is "lost in thought," and we tend to go through life at the mercy of whatever our minds produce next. This results in the problems we all struggle with every day: stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, worry, regret, a lack of focus, and so on. If properly taught and applied, mindfulness and meditation can help with all of these struggles, and have a profound effect on your overall health and well-being. ANCHORS AND MISCONCEPTIONS I want to touch on a few other things from your question. You said, "I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra..." You do focus your attention on the breath or a mantra. Those things serve as an anchor - when you notice that your attention has wandered, you return it to that anchor. But, "focusing on the anchor" isn't the goal - "noticing and returning" is the goal. Notice and return, over and over again (remember, you are developing a skill). Your next question might be "Can I use music as an anchor?" The answer is no, and here's why: music usually gives rise to thoughts and emotions associated with it ("I love that song!" "I'm not a fan of this song." "I hate that song!"). Your anchor should be something neutral to avoid that happening. Even if it's a mantra, the mantra should be something meaningless and simple - that's why the most commonly used mantra is the sound "om/aum." Don't take this to mean that you shouldn't have thoughts and emotions when you meditate. That's a common misconception. But, meditating isn't about stopping or blocking out thoughts and emotions. It's about noticing whatever arises and learning not to get caught up in it. By using a neutral anchor, however, you aren't confusing the issue by adding conditioning that comes with something such as your favorite music (or a phrase that carries special meaning). Notice and return, over and over. And then go listen to your music mindfully! Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Jim writes: "I live in a noisy environment with traffic sounds coming from outside and, at times, roommates who are moving around and talking. Is it ok to wear headphones and listen to music to block out these distractions? Along those lines, is guided meditation a good method for helping me to focus better so I can analyze my thoughts?" These are great questions because they allow us to address a few more misconceptions about meditating:
I'll address each of these, but first we need to come up with a working definition of meditation. Here are two: Short version Meditation isn't about "shutting everything out" or trying to stop thoughts. It's about strengthening awareness of thoughts, and learning to observe them without getting caught up in them. Longer version Our normal state is "lost in thought" - and, because this is our normal state, most of us don't realize we're lost in thought. It's a bit like a fish not realizing it's surrounded by water. It's always surrounded by water, so what is there to notice? This normal state leads to conditioned behavior, which dictates our decisions, actions, and reactions, and leads to the struggles we all face:
Meditating is a dedicated exercise that helps you strengthen awareness of your mind and its non-stop activity. It helps you develop the skill of observing it all without getting caught up in it. Developing a consistent practice will help combat being lost in thought. You can transfer the skills you develop during meditating to your "non-meditating time." We refer to this as bringing mindfulness to your daily life, and it allows you to break free from conditioned behavior and dramatically reduce your struggles and suffering. Put another way, you are no longer held hostage by the next thought, emotion, or urge that pops into your head. -- Now that we have a definition, let's look at your first question: Should you wear headphones and listen to music to block out external noises? No! When you meditate, you should observe everything that arises in your consciousness, including sounds, smells, thoughts, feelings, emotions, et cetera. Watch everything as it comes into being, exists, and passes - which it will if you don't indulge it (if you don't get caught up in it). Learn to recognize the temporary nature of all phenomena: whatever arises will pass; nothing is permanent. You mention roommates. There is nothing wrong with moving to a quieter area to practice, especially if you are surrounded by people who are going about their lives in a noisy manner. And I'm not challenging you to try to meditate during a live concert, or while your friends are in the same room cheering on their favorite sports team. But, you shouldn't strive to isolate yourself from reality and the "everyday" conditions that come with it. If you are meditating and you hear someone talking - or a dog barks, or a horn honks, or a siren wails - simply notice the sound and any thoughts, feelings, or emotions that arise about the sound, and return your attention to your anchor (usually your breath or a mantra). The same applies to smells, minor aches and pains, or whatever else might arise in consciousness (such as an itch, or a desire to stop meditating). You are strengthening awareness, so simply notice everything that comes and goes as it comes and goes. Don't judge it and don't fight it: don't indulge it in any way. Next, you ask about guided meditation. "Guided meditation" is listening to audio or watching a video that gives instructions to assist you in your practice. There are several pitfalls to this method, but these are the three we usually highlight:
Instead of becoming dependent on guided meditation, learn to do it properly by focusing on your breath or a mantra. If you do that, you will be able to meditate anytime and anywhere. Finally, you mention "analyzing thoughts" in your questions. It's important to note that meditation isn't analyzing thoughts. You don't dwell on your thoughts, and you don't dissect them or try to understand why they occur. You simply observe. If you analyze, you are indulging thoughts by engaging with them. This gives rise to more thoughts, which lead to emotions, which lead to more thoughts, which lead to more emotions...and on and on and on. You aren't strengthening awareness at this point - you are getting dragged around by your mind. So, again, simply observe. Strengthen awareness. Watch it all arise and pass. <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). Last updated December, 2018. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Kim writes: "I've been meditating for almost two months now, and I think it has actually made matters worse. When I first started, I was able to quiet my mind. Now it seems to be going non-stop, and I can't go 30 seconds without drifting into thought during my meditation sitting. My mind is crazier than ever! Is this normal?" It is normal. But, your mind hasn't become busier. You've become more aware of just how busy it's always been. If you're like most people, you haven't spent a lot of time observing your mind and its compulsive nature. It's hard to understand how pervasive and incessant thoughts and emotions can be - especially when you spend most of your day lost in thoughts and emotions. Meditating changes that. The more you practice, the more these focused attempts to anchor your attention reveal a startling fact: your mind is always going. As a result of witnessing it first-hand, you might believe you are "failing": "I was doing better a few weeks ago - now I can't go 30 seconds without my mind wandering." The reality is, you are finally seeing what has been happening all along! It takes a bit of time and effort to reach a baseline of awareness that allows this to happen. That's why people believe they are good at meditating at first - they aren't even close to this baseline of awareness yet. In the beginning, they are usually just thinking with their eyes closed, not realizing they are thinking at all! The best advice is, don't meditate with the goal of calming the mind. Your frustration doesn't come from your mind being "crazy," it comes from you feeling like you can't control it. And, you can't - so give up the attempts to do so. Instead, meditate with the goal of understanding your mind. As of now, you can see how compulsive it is - the next step is to develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Remember that nothing is permanent, including your thoughts, emotions, and urges. Everything comes into being, exists, and ceases (it all comes and goes). Your mind tries to cling to these things and make them permanent. But, meditation and mindfulness teach you to understand the temporary nature of your mind-made activity. One last point: when you are meditating and you notice your attention has wandered, that is success. To be more specific, you focus your attention on an anchor (most people choose the breath or a mantra), and when you notice it has wandered and you become aware of thoughts, you return your attention to the anchor. Notice and return, over and over and over again. That's why it's called practice! The more you practice, the more you develop the skills you can bring to your daily life when you aren't practicing. If you do it consistently, you'll find the calmness you're seeking is there - it's been buried under all that mental noise you've been wrapped up in. You can't escape your mind...Life seems to be a roller coaster of ups and downs. All of us are endlessly searching for happiness as we stumble from one problem to the next, trying to cope as best we can.
Are you ready to do something different? If so, we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind" for you. Click here to read more. Last updated October, 2018. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Stephen writes: "I enjoy your articles and get a lot from your blog posts. But, when I read something like what you posted on Medium last week (Stop trying to control your thoughts), it confuses me. I have a lot of negative thoughts, and thoughts that I don't want to continue. They put me in a bad mood, and they make me unhappy with myself. So I do want to control them to the extent that I make them go away/stop thinking them. What is your advice?" Read your words - you said "they put me in a bad mood," and "they make me unhappy with myself." My advice is stop judging yourself so harshly! Your problem isn't the thoughts, your problem is your aversion to the thoughts. This aversion perpetuates attachment - it's like the old saying: "Whatever you fight only becomes stronger." We are conditioned to judge what happens and label it as "good" or "bad." If we label it as good, we cling to it and try to keep it from changing. If we label it as bad, we push it away or try to repress it. Both lead to suffering. In your case, you want thoughts you label as bad to go away. But, when they don't go away (or go away and then come back!), you get frustrated, upset, and the cycle of judgment continues. Trying to control thoughts is a futile task. Instead, learn to drop the labels and view what happens from a neutral perspective. How do you do that? By strengthening awareness. Awareness allows you to notice thoughts without getting caught up in them. And, it helps you develop the skill of moving your attention away from them when they aren't useful. This is commonly referred to as "letting them pass." You will find that thoughts are temporary - they arise, exist for a time, and cease (they come and go). You can watch them pass like clouds in the sky. And, in doing so, you realize the "content" of your mind doesn't matter; what matters is not indulging thoughts, and turning something temporary into something permanent (remember our quote above: "Whatever you fight [indulge] only becomes stronger"). Take the time and energy you previously spent trying to control thought and reallocate it to building a consistent meditation practice, and bring mindfulness to your daily life. The benefits can be life-changing. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. The creator of meditationSHIFT published a new article on Medium. Here is an excerpt: "The bottom line is, thoughts come and go. Trying to control what thoughts occur when, or trying to stop certain thoughts from happening altogether, is a poor use of your time and energy. There is good news, however. If you accept that you can’t control your thoughts, you can focus your efforts on what you can do: cultivate awareness and observation, and learn to interrupt the process of conditioned responses and reactions." Go to Medium to read the rest (you don't need to create an account to read it, but if you have an account and enjoy the article, please "Recommend" it). You can find all of Jon's articles on Medium here. < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Last updated October, 2018. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). That title is a little misleading in the sense that you don't train your mind. Instead, you train your attention. Your mind will do what it does. Your job is to strengthen awareness of it - to develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. It's challenging, because we all get caught up in analyzing the content of our minds - we label, judge, and try to figure out why thoughts and emotions exist:
But, it's not the content that matters. What matters is you get wrapped up in the content instead of moving your attention away from it. If you let those thoughts, emotions, and urges be as they are, independent from your and your attention, they will pass. They will come back, of course! But then they will pass again. If you practice moving your attention away over and over, you begin reversing a lifetime of conditioning that keeps you following your mind and habitually acting with desire for - or aversion towards - thoughts, emotions, urges, and the other things that arise in awareness. This is training your attention. It's not controlling your thoughts. It's not forcing yourself to think positive. It's learning to notice your compulsive mind and it's non-stop activity without getting caught up in it. And, it's choosing to move your attention away from it. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. Last updated July, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out our 15-day meditation challenge: "Your inner narrative". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Cynthia writes: "I'm going through stressful times, and frankly I am finding it too hard to meditate. I can notice my thoughts when things are calm - but, when things are not calm, my ability to observe vanishes. At that point, if I force myself to meditate, I get more upset, more stressed, more angry than before. I've been trying for a few weeks now - any advice?" You said you can notice thoughts when things are calm but not when they are stressful. Let me rephrase that for you: you are saying you can meditate unless it's too hard to meditate! You aren't alone. It doesn't apply only to you, and it doesn't apply only to meditating. To the contrary, it's the case for most of us, and it's the case with most things in life! When conditions are good, it's easy to do the things we are supposed to do. When conditions aren't good, it's hard to do the things we are supposed to do:
It's important not to look at meditating as a "quick fix" or spot treatment: you can't just do it sporadically and expect meaningful benefits. You have to build a consistent practice and do it every day - whether things are going good or not. Especially if they're not! This consistency and repetition will improve your ability to observe your compulsive mind and its non-stop activity, and it will strengthen awareness so you can see everything as it unfolds. As a result, you learn not to get caught up in all of it. The more you do it (sit and practice), the more you will be able to carry that skill into stressful times and use it. Put another way: practice makes perfect. Though, technically, perfection isn't skillful to strive for - so, practice makes better. You also said meditating causes you to get more stressed, upset, and angry. Realize that meditating doesn't cause these thoughts, emotions, or mental states - it simply strengthens awareness of what is already there. So, by definition, you become more aware of your mind, your racing thoughts, and whatever they give rise to: stress, anxiety, depression, problems with focus, and so on. But, again, it's already there whether you meditate or not. While you can't run from it, you can ignore it - but that's not a healthy option. The thoughts and emotions will end up manifesting in different ways:
The good news is, meditating doesn't ignore it - it treats the root cause. When you practice, your job is to:
Moving your attention away is the critical part, and meditating helps you develop this skill. Through a consistent practice, you learn that none of the mental activity is permanent. Your mind will try to convince you that it is - but, you can directly experience that it isn't. You can learn to observe it all as it comes into being, exists, and ceases. Or, as we're fond of saying, you can watch it all pass the same as you watched it all come - just like clouds moving across the sky. The reward that comes from a consistent practice is you no longer get lost in the drama of your compulsive mind. And, as a result, you can live a happier, more peaceful life. "Your inner narrative"How do I just “let things be”?
“Your thoughts about the situation cause you to suffer more than the situation itself” — what does that even mean? How do I get proper instruction in meditation and mindfulness? “Your inner narrative” — our 15 day meditation challenge — answers all these questions (click here to read about it). |