For the past few months, our writing has been focused on "daily musings." We have almost 50 posts, and you can find a complete index here: words. Below are the top thirteen since May. If you enjoy them, sign up to receive updates!
We will post longer-form articles on this blog in the future, so check back. Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.We published a new article on the site Everyday Mindfulness. Here is an excerpt: "...attempting to control what kind of thoughts you have is an exercise in futility. That’s why there are so many self-improvement books – new ones keep coming out because the old ones don’t work. And, people keep buying them hoping they will finally discover the secret. But, the new books usually re-package the same ineffective concepts. It’s a profitable business – in a 2013 study, Marketdata Enterprises estimated the self-improvement market to be over $10 billion/year. And, that’s just in the United States. There is no secret to be discovered in those billions of dollars worth of resources though. They all focus on changing the content of your mind, but the content doesn’t matter. It’s like treating the symptoms while ignoring the root cause. The 'root cause' is our minds themselves, and what matters is that we stop blindly following them wherever they lead." Go to Everyday Mindfulness to read the rest. And while your there, visit their forums for great discussion on mindfulness-related topics. Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.note - this turned out to be one of our top five most read and recommended articles ever! We published a new article on the site Medium. Here is an excerpt: "On the other hand, suppress is defined as “forcibly put an end to; prevent.” Meditation is the opposite of that definition — when you meditate, you aren’t trying to forcibly end or prevent anything. To the contrary, you accept it all non-judgmentally. Put another way, meditation is embracing whatever is happening in the present moment. The distinction, however, is that meditating isn’t wallowing in thoughts and emotions. Nor is it dwelling on or analyzing them." Go to Medium to read the rest (you don't need to create an account to read it, but if you have an account and enjoy the article, please "Recommend" it). You can find all of Jon's articles on Medium here. Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Julie writes: "I started meditating to develop patience and not be so emotional around my husband and kids. I enjoy meditating, but to be honest it hasn't helped much with the patience and temper part. Is there a secret to moving to the next level (so to speak) where that happens?" HOW DO I GET THE BENEFITS OF MEDITATING? Behind the common misconceptions that exist about mindfulness and meditation, your question is the biggest issue for people who undertake the practice: "How do I get it to help with what's going on in my life?!?" How do you use it to reduce stress, help deal with feelings of anxiety and depression, increase focus, reduce extreme emotions, or any of the myriad of reasons that bring people to meditation? Realize that the natural state for most of us is living on autopilot - we are pushed and pulled through the day by our minds, and we aren't even aware that we're pushed and pulled through the day by our minds. In your example, your husband says or does something - your mind takes that "something," assigns a feeling of unpleasant to it, and you habitually react with aversion towards the experience that gave you unpleasant feelings. You push it away, you battle with it, you get angry about it, you feel the urge to defend yourself - to prove yourself right and someone else wrong. Or, you retreat and dwell in thoughts and emotions about how you were wronged, and let those thoughts and emotions take over and drag you into a "pit of despair." This is how your mind conditions your behavior. It puts experience through a process that starts with labeling and categorizing it, which - in turn - gives rise to thoughts, emotions, and stories that constantly run through your head and ultimately dictate "who you are" and "what you do." Using your example, "what you do" are actions that display a lack of patience and a short temper. And, "who you are" is someone who is impatient and quick to anger! The problem is, we don't see this process unfolding moment after moment after moment - it's automatic, and we just get carried along by it. Meditating can help. We define it as a dedicated exercise that allows you to develop the skill of observing your compulsive mind and non-stop mental activity without getting caught up in it. It's only half of the equation, though. The problem is most people approach meditating like a chore or another item on their "to-do list," and they never consider the other half of the equation: being mindful when they aren't meditating. And that is the answer to your question! Being mindful is applying the skill you develop while meditating to your "non-meditating time." Returning to our example above - now, instead of following you mind down a path that conditions your behavior, you can observe what your mind is doing: you can watch the feelings of "pleasant" and "unpleasant" being assigned to experience. You can see the thoughts, emotions, and stories that arise as a result. You can feel the tug to habitually react with aversion towards what you don't like and desire for what you do like. And, you can choose not to indulge any of it. Instead, you can choose to let it all be, independent of you and your attention. The simple act of strengthening awareness - so you can see the process unfolding moment after moment after moment - gives you the freedom to make this different choice. By being aware of the process, it no longer dictates "who you are" and "what you do." A simple way of representing what's discussed above is to point out that we are all in one of two states at any given time:
You want to move from the first state to the second state, and being mindful helps you do that. Which brings us to the how part of your question...how do you get to that second state (or, as you phrased it, the "next level")? Applying mindfulness (being mindful) is a function of two things:
BEING MINDFUL: THE PAUSE What tools can you utilize to be mindful when you aren't meditating? I suggest our students create a visual or audio cue to remind them to pause as they go through the day. These cues are built around the question "Where's your attention at?" Here are a few suggestions:
Anything can be a "mindfulness cue" - make a pen mark on the back of your hand! When you see or hear your cue, pause. Ask where your attention is at, and take a minute to explore the answer. Is it caught up in mind-made activity, lost in thoughts and emotions and stories? If so, bring it back to the present moment, and whatever you are doing right here and now. As you train yourself to do this, the next step is bringing it to daily situations that trigger the behavior you find unskillful. When those situations occur, make your first response be to pause. Ask where your attention is at - is it being dragged down a path fueled by labels, feelings, thoughts, emotions, and stories? If so, recognize you are now observing this activity, and - because you are aware of what's happening - you no longer have to follow it down that path. Bring your focus back to right here and now. Breathe. Explore your options. It's simple, but it does take practice. Utilize the tools - the mindfulness cues - to help you at first. Eventually you may not need them. But, if you continue to need them, that's okay. Either way, as long as you continue to work at it, you'll see results. In summary, there are two parts to the equation. Develop the skill through meditating, and apply the skill by being mindful. To see the benefits of your practice, you need to do both. <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). We published a short article on Medium about getting things done. "There is no mountain to climb - there's only what you do next." Go to Medium to read the rest (you don't need to create an account to read it, but if you have an account and enjoy the article, please "Recommend" it). You can find all of Jon's articles on Medium here. Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Last updated October, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Bill writes: "If I really focus on the music I listen to and don't let my mind wander, is that a form of meditation? I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra, but I find that I can focus really well on music I like." This is a great question, because it allows us to talk about the difference between mindfulness and meditation (and how they work together). Based on your description, you are listening to music mindfully - and, that's a good thing! The ultimate goal for me is to be mindful in everything I do, which is why I meditate every day. MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION, EXPLAINED When you meditate, you strengthen awareness (cultivate mindfulness) of your thoughts, emotions, and urges - as well as the stories that play on a constant loop in your head. You develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Mindfulness is transferring that skill to the rest of your day when you aren't meditating. If you are doing things mindfully, you aren't distracted by thoughts about the past or future (or, some alternate reality). Instead, your attention is fully on the task at hand: working, playing, talking to a friend, washing the dishes, walking the dog, listening to music, et cetera. What does that mean to you? The human condition is "lost in thought," and we tend to go through life at the mercy of whatever our minds produce next. This results in the problems we all struggle with every day: stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, worry, regret, a lack of focus, and so on. If properly taught and applied, mindfulness and meditation can help with all of these struggles, and have a profound effect on your overall health and well-being. ANCHORS AND MISCONCEPTIONS I want to touch on a few other things from your question. You said, "I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra..." You do focus your attention on the breath or a mantra. Those things serve as an anchor - when you notice that your attention has wandered, you return it to that anchor. But, "focusing on the anchor" isn't the goal - "noticing and returning" is the goal. Notice and return, over and over again (remember, you are developing a skill). Your next question might be "Can I use music as an anchor?" The answer is no, and here's why: music usually gives rise to thoughts and emotions associated with it ("I love that song!" "I'm not a fan of this song." "I hate that song!"). Your anchor should be something neutral to avoid that happening. Even if it's a mantra, the mantra should be something meaningless and simple - that's why the most commonly used mantra is the sound "om/aum." Don't take this to mean that you shouldn't have thoughts and emotions when you meditate. That's a common misconception. But, meditating isn't about stopping or blocking out thoughts and emotions. It's about noticing whatever arises and learning not to get caught up in it. By using a neutral anchor, however, you aren't confusing the issue by adding conditioning that comes with something such as your favorite music (or a phrase that carries special meaning). Notice and return, over and over. And then go listen to your music mindfully! Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.April 19th, 2015 We are starting a new thing - on some Sundays, we will send out an email with discussion around a central theme (including quotes and links to relevant articles). Topics will be related to understanding your mind, and mindfulness and meditation (of course!). The emails won't be every week - the pace will probably be once or twice a month. If you don't want to receive them, simply unsubscribe by clicking the link at the end of this message. We do hope you stay, however! In return, we will try to deliver something insightful and actionable to help with your daily life! This week's topic comes from a discussion on our Facebook page (if you don't already follow us on Facebook, you can "Like" our page here). We start with a quote from Ajahn Sumeedho: "If you're always trying to get rid of suffering, you can't really understand it; you're caught up in reacting to it." As humans, we tend to cling to/chase things we label "good," and avoid/push away things we label "bad." But, in clinging and avoiding, we fail to see that we are still very much caught up in thought. We are trying to pick and choose experiences. We are trying to control things. And, all of this means we are caught up in (or, more aptly, drowning in) our mental drama about the situations around us. How do you combat this? Through equanimity. Here is the formal definition: 1. mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper. 2. evenness of mind. It's an important concept that can help you better deal with the thoughts (and emotions, and urges) that your mind produces. By rising above the labels of "good" and "bad," you learn to watch everything that your mind produces from a neutral perspective. In turn, you can stop the cycle of self-imposed suffering that results from trying to cling to what you see as favorable and push away what you see as unfavorable. Here are a few quotes to help with your understanding of equanimity: "Happy the man who can endure the highest and the lowest fortune. He, who has endured such vicissitudes with equanimity, has deprived misfortune of its power." - Seneca "Neither a thought nor an emotion, it is rather the steady conscious realization of reality's transience. It is the ground for wisdom and freedom and the protector of compassion and love. While some may think of equanimity as dry neutrality or cool aloofness, mature equanimity produces a radiance and warmth of being." - Gil Fronsadal Remember - there is the situation, and there are your thoughts about the situation. The latter almost always causes you to suffer more than the former. For more about equanimity, particularly how it applies in the context of change and impermanence, read this article we wrote a while back: Don't attach to the lows OR the highs - practice equanimity. In closing, consider this: the energy you expend being caught up in your mind can be reallocated to the present moment, and used to make better decisions and take more skillful actions. Focus for the week: you can't control the things that happen to you, but you can control your reactions to those things. Thank you for your continued support, Jon@meditationSHIFT Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Last updated November, 2019. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). Note - the following post was written by Chelsea, our Chief Mindfulness Officer and creator of "ARC: mindfulness for children." Becoming aware of the mental activity you were previously unaware of is comparable to thinking you are alone in an empty stadium, and then realizing you are actually surrounded by a hundred thousand screaming - oftentimes angry - fans. - meditationSHIFT Back in January, we wrote a post called Meditation, your Inbox, and contentment, which compared your mind to a cluttered email inbox. We received a lot of feedback from our readers about how much it resonated - I mean, we all dream about getting to "Inbox zero," right? Everything neatly delegated, completed, and filed away. Sounds nice. It sounds even nicer when it comes to de-cluttering our crazy minds. But is there such a thing as "mind zero?" The short answer is no, and part of the long answer is that you wouldn't really want there to be. What we do all want is to feel less stressed, less overwhelmed, less anxious about what's actually there. So, while we can’t hit the "unsubscribe" button on every thought that pops up, we can learn how to keep them from bogging us down. The key to this is awareness, and in order to drive this point home, we've decided to stick with the oh-so-applicable computer analogy. Imagine you’re working on your computer when you notice it starts to take a little longer to process information, open new programs, and load web pages. It’s noticeably slower than it was this a few weeks ago, and it's definitely not performing as efficiently as when it was brand new. So, you decide to do some basic troubleshooting. You begin by exiting most of the programs you currently have open, but it doesn't help much. You double-click on Task Manager, and your eyes widen as you notice that there are many, many more applications and processes running in the background than you were aware of. You give the list a once-over and realize the majority weren't even initiated by you - they've been set to load automatically when your computer boots up. You quickly hit "end task" on the biggest offenders, change their settings, do a quick restart, and you’re back in business. Just like a computer, your mind also has a lot of background activity going on, but the applications and processes take the form of thoughts and emotions. And, most of this activity goes on automatically without any conscious effort on your part. For every thought and emotion you are actually aware of, there are many more lurking just beyond your plane of awareness. This background activity (that you are usually unaware of!) drains you mentally and physically. And, even worse, it ultimately dictates "who you are" and "what you do." Goodbye productivity, creativity, and patience. These "unseen" thoughts and emotions influence your actions and behaviors in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) ways. Irrational fears, knee-jerk reactions, rash decisions...these are all examples of your mind taking the reins and imposing itself on your ability to act skillfully. You find yourself unable to concentrate for very long on any one task, and you work harder to get less done in more time. Instead of crafting thoughtful responses to people and situations, you react quickly and impulsively. You might even feel like you aren't completely in control of yourself. The good news is, you don’t need to abolish or "get rid of" these thoughts or feelings—in fact, you would most likely just increase their numbers and pervasiveness if you tried. Instead, all you need to do is strengthen your awareness of them. Notice them, acknowledge them without judging or analyzing, and watch them as they pass the same way they arose (essentially hitting their own “end task” buttons). Becoming aware of your unchecked thinking helps you zero in on that distracting, dull hum that you didn’t even know was there, effectively shutting it off. Strengthening awareness equips you with your own personal "Task Manager," but it takes practice to learn how to access and utilize it. Your mind is compulsive, and it will sweep you away in the drama it creates every chance it gets. Don’t let it. Learn how to become more aware and mindful by meditating every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. A consistent practice is essential to breaking down the mental constructs that keep your mind from operating at peak performance. Stop getting caught up in the stories running through your head. |