Last updated October, 2019. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Bill writes: "If I really focus on the music I listen to and don't let my mind wander, is that a form of meditation? I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra, but I find that I can focus really well on music I like." This is a great question, because it allows us to talk about the difference between mindfulness and meditation (and how they work together). Based on your description, you are listening to music mindfully - and, that's a good thing! The ultimate goal for me is to be mindful in everything I do, which is why I meditate every day. MINDFULNESS AND MEDITATION, EXPLAINED When you meditate, you strengthen awareness (cultivate mindfulness) of your thoughts, emotions, and urges - as well as the stories that play on a constant loop in your head. You develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Mindfulness is transferring that skill to the rest of your day when you aren't meditating. If you are doing things mindfully, you aren't distracted by thoughts about the past or future (or, some alternate reality). Instead, your attention is fully on the task at hand: working, playing, talking to a friend, washing the dishes, walking the dog, listening to music, et cetera. What does that mean to you? The human condition is "lost in thought," and we tend to go through life at the mercy of whatever our minds produce next. This results in the problems we all struggle with every day: stress, anxiety, depression, self-doubt, worry, regret, a lack of focus, and so on. If properly taught and applied, mindfulness and meditation can help with all of these struggles, and have a profound effect on your overall health and well-being. ANCHORS AND MISCONCEPTIONS I want to touch on a few other things from your question. You said, "I know meditation is focusing on the breath or a mantra..." You do focus your attention on the breath or a mantra. Those things serve as an anchor - when you notice that your attention has wandered, you return it to that anchor. But, "focusing on the anchor" isn't the goal - "noticing and returning" is the goal. Notice and return, over and over again (remember, you are developing a skill). Your next question might be "Can I use music as an anchor?" The answer is no, and here's why: music usually gives rise to thoughts and emotions associated with it ("I love that song!" "I'm not a fan of this song." "I hate that song!"). Your anchor should be something neutral to avoid that happening. Even if it's a mantra, the mantra should be something meaningless and simple - that's why the most commonly used mantra is the sound "om/aum." Don't take this to mean that you shouldn't have thoughts and emotions when you meditate. That's a common misconception. But, meditating isn't about stopping or blocking out thoughts and emotions. It's about noticing whatever arises and learning not to get caught up in it. By using a neutral anchor, however, you aren't confusing the issue by adding conditioning that comes with something such as your favorite music (or a phrase that carries special meaning). Notice and return, over and over. And then go listen to your music mindfully! Held hostage by the drama your mind creates? We can help.Last updated November, 2019. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). Note - the following post was written by Chelsea, our Chief Mindfulness Officer and creator of "ARC: mindfulness for children." Becoming aware of the mental activity you were previously unaware of is comparable to thinking you are alone in an empty stadium, and then realizing you are actually surrounded by a hundred thousand screaming - oftentimes angry - fans. - meditationSHIFT Back in January, we wrote a post called Meditation, your Inbox, and contentment, which compared your mind to a cluttered email inbox. We received a lot of feedback from our readers about how much it resonated - I mean, we all dream about getting to "Inbox zero," right? Everything neatly delegated, completed, and filed away. Sounds nice. It sounds even nicer when it comes to de-cluttering our crazy minds. But is there such a thing as "mind zero?" The short answer is no, and part of the long answer is that you wouldn't really want there to be. What we do all want is to feel less stressed, less overwhelmed, less anxious about what's actually there. So, while we can’t hit the "unsubscribe" button on every thought that pops up, we can learn how to keep them from bogging us down. The key to this is awareness, and in order to drive this point home, we've decided to stick with the oh-so-applicable computer analogy. Imagine you’re working on your computer when you notice it starts to take a little longer to process information, open new programs, and load web pages. It’s noticeably slower than it was this a few weeks ago, and it's definitely not performing as efficiently as when it was brand new. So, you decide to do some basic troubleshooting. You begin by exiting most of the programs you currently have open, but it doesn't help much. You double-click on Task Manager, and your eyes widen as you notice that there are many, many more applications and processes running in the background than you were aware of. You give the list a once-over and realize the majority weren't even initiated by you - they've been set to load automatically when your computer boots up. You quickly hit "end task" on the biggest offenders, change their settings, do a quick restart, and you’re back in business. Just like a computer, your mind also has a lot of background activity going on, but the applications and processes take the form of thoughts and emotions. And, most of this activity goes on automatically without any conscious effort on your part. For every thought and emotion you are actually aware of, there are many more lurking just beyond your plane of awareness. This background activity (that you are usually unaware of!) drains you mentally and physically. And, even worse, it ultimately dictates "who you are" and "what you do." Goodbye productivity, creativity, and patience. These "unseen" thoughts and emotions influence your actions and behaviors in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) ways. Irrational fears, knee-jerk reactions, rash decisions...these are all examples of your mind taking the reins and imposing itself on your ability to act skillfully. You find yourself unable to concentrate for very long on any one task, and you work harder to get less done in more time. Instead of crafting thoughtful responses to people and situations, you react quickly and impulsively. You might even feel like you aren't completely in control of yourself. The good news is, you don’t need to abolish or "get rid of" these thoughts or feelings—in fact, you would most likely just increase their numbers and pervasiveness if you tried. Instead, all you need to do is strengthen your awareness of them. Notice them, acknowledge them without judging or analyzing, and watch them as they pass the same way they arose (essentially hitting their own “end task” buttons). Becoming aware of your unchecked thinking helps you zero in on that distracting, dull hum that you didn’t even know was there, effectively shutting it off. Strengthening awareness equips you with your own personal "Task Manager," but it takes practice to learn how to access and utilize it. Your mind is compulsive, and it will sweep you away in the drama it creates every chance it gets. Don’t let it. Learn how to become more aware and mindful by meditating every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. A consistent practice is essential to breaking down the mental constructs that keep your mind from operating at peak performance. Stop getting caught up in the stories running through your head.Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" This week, we had similar questions from both Stacy and Adam: "How does 'observing thoughts' fit in with meditating? Do you watch them, or do you focus your attention on your mantra? I'm not sure which of the two I do, or if I try to do them both at once. And, what does a meditation session look like as you move between the mantra and thinking?" These are common questions. It can be confusing, especially when you read different instructions from different teachers. First, observing doesn't imply an active component. This means when you observe thoughts, you don't analyze or interact with them. You simply watch them as they come into being, exist, and cease (i.e., as they arise and pass). Second, you can only observe thoughts when you become aware of them. You can't observe thoughts when you are lost in them. And, meditating is a formal exercise that helps you move from "lost in thoughts" to "aware of thoughts". When you are meditating, you have an anchor - the two most common are your breath and a mantra. You focus your attention on this anchor. At some point, you will notice your attention has wandered and you'll become aware of thoughts. You may notice it immediately, or it may take some time. Regardless, once you notice, simply guide your attention back to the anchor. When you do this over and over again, two things happen:
"Learning to observe what arises and passes without getting caught up in it" (#2 above) is a skill you develop while meditating. This skill is made possible by training your attention (#1 above). As you develop this skill, it allows you to make a choice in each unfolding moment:
Indulging is our normal choice, though it's a bit of a misnomer to call it "a choice." Our default state is unaware, following our minds wherever they lead, mindlessly indulging mental phenomena, reacting habitually to desires and aversions. This default state results in our struggles and suffering. Not indulging allows us to move away from this default state. As far as how this unfolds in a meditation session, here's a sample of what it may look like (using a mantra as the anchor):
And so it goes! <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). Thanks for visiting - 2023 marks our 20th anniversary! This site is ad-free and supported by sales of our online courses. If you get value from what we write, click the link at the bottom of the page and read Day 1 of "Your inner narrative" to see if it's right for you...no email required. It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Jim writes: "I live in a noisy environment with traffic sounds coming from outside and, at times, roommates who are moving around and talking. Is it ok to wear headphones and listen to music to block out these distractions? Along those lines, is guided meditation a good method for helping me to focus better so I can analyze my thoughts?" These are great questions because they allow us to address a few more misconceptions about meditating:
I'll address each of these, but first we need to come up with a working definition of meditation. Here are two: Short version Meditation isn't about "shutting everything out" or trying to stop thoughts. It's about strengthening awareness of thoughts, and learning to observe them without getting caught up in them. Longer version Our normal state is "lost in thought" - and, because this is our normal state, most of us don't realize we're lost in thought. It's a bit like a fish not realizing it's surrounded by water. It's always surrounded by water, so what is there to notice? This normal state leads to conditioned behavior, which dictates our decisions, actions, and reactions, and leads to the struggles we all face:
Meditating is a dedicated exercise that helps you strengthen awareness of your mind and its non-stop activity. It helps you develop the skill of observing it all without getting caught up in it. Developing a consistent practice will help combat being lost in thought. You can transfer the skills you develop during meditating to your "non-meditating time." We refer to this as bringing mindfulness to your daily life, and it allows you to break free from conditioned behavior and dramatically reduce your struggles and suffering. Put another way, you are no longer held hostage by the next thought, emotion, or urge that pops into your head. -- Now that we have a definition, let's look at your first question: Should you wear headphones and listen to music to block out external noises? No! When you meditate, you should observe everything that arises in your consciousness, including sounds, smells, thoughts, feelings, emotions, et cetera. Watch everything as it comes into being, exists, and passes - which it will if you don't indulge it (if you don't get caught up in it). Learn to recognize the temporary nature of all phenomena: whatever arises will pass; nothing is permanent. You mention roommates. There is nothing wrong with moving to a quieter area to practice, especially if you are surrounded by people who are going about their lives in a noisy manner. And I'm not challenging you to try to meditate during a live concert, or while your friends are in the same room cheering on their favorite sports team. But, you shouldn't strive to isolate yourself from reality and the "everyday" conditions that come with it. If you are meditating and you hear someone talking - or a dog barks, or a horn honks, or a siren wails - simply notice the sound and any thoughts, feelings, or emotions that arise about the sound, and return your attention to your anchor (usually your breath or a mantra). The same applies to smells, minor aches and pains, or whatever else might arise in consciousness (such as an itch, or a desire to stop meditating). You are strengthening awareness, so simply notice everything that comes and goes as it comes and goes. Don't judge it and don't fight it: don't indulge it in any way. Next, you ask about guided meditation. "Guided meditation" is listening to audio or watching a video that gives instructions to assist you in your practice. There are several pitfalls to this method, but these are the three we usually highlight:
Instead of becoming dependent on guided meditation, learn to do it properly by focusing on your breath or a mantra. If you do that, you will be able to meditate anytime and anywhere. Finally, you mention "analyzing thoughts" in your questions. It's important to note that meditation isn't analyzing thoughts. You don't dwell on your thoughts, and you don't dissect them or try to understand why they occur. You simply observe. If you analyze, you are indulging thoughts by engaging with them. This gives rise to more thoughts, which lead to emotions, which lead to more thoughts, which lead to more emotions...and on and on and on. You aren't strengthening awareness at this point - you are getting dragged around by your mind. So, again, simply observe. Strengthen awareness. Watch it all arise and pass. <>
Our minds constantly create stories about what we experience, and we spend most of our time caught up in those stories. This results in the stress and struggles of daily life. "Your inner narrative" (our 15-day online course) can help you break that pattern. Read Day 1 here (no email required). Last updated October, 2017. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). Look at your email Inbox - what's it like? Are you the person who strives to keep it empty? When an email comes in, do you immediately decide what to do with it: take action, delegate, file, or delete? Or, are you like the other 99.9% of us who have a cluttered Inbox? I have an email dating back to February of last year in my Inbox. It's there because I was supposed to do something with it. Once a month I open it and remember what I was supposed to do. This has been going on for almost a year now, but there it sits...mocking me. Can you relate? Now, compare your mind to your email Inbox. And, thoughts to emails. When a new thought pops up, what do you do with it? Does it just sit there, cluttering up your mind? Do you try to ignore it, but get annoyed when you catch a glimpse of it? Or, do you purposefully keep it around "just in case?" Our minds tend to be much worse than our Inboxes. They are full of thoughts - what do you do with them? If you like them (i.e., you label them "good" or "positive"), you might try to keep them around; this is akin to forced positive thinking. If you don't like them (i.e., you label them "bad" or "negative"), you might try to suppress or repress them; this is never a healthy option. But, for all of the thoughts you know about, there are a lot more you don't know about. Your mind doesn't have an "off-switch" - it's constantly producing thoughts, and you're not even aware of most of them. You're not alone, though - if it's any consolation, this is the case for all of us (whether we realize it or not). As Eckhart Tolle often points out: "The human condition is lost in thought. " Regardless of your level of awareness, all of these thoughts are there. They give rise emotions, which lead to more thoughts and more emotions, which culminates in conditioned behavior (decisions, actions, reactions). And, this process determines your state of being. Returning to the analogy: If your mind is like a cluttered Inbox, you are most likely in a perpetual state of stress. You probably find yourself overwhelmed much of the time. You might suffer from feelings of anxiety or depression, as well as issues with sleep, focus, productivity, and so on. If, on the other hand, your mind is not like a cluttered Inbox, you are most likely in a more content state much of the time. You might find you are creative and focused, which results in greater productivity. And you probably don't lay awake at night, dwelling on thoughts of everything that has gone wrong (or, could go wrong) in your life. The question is, how do you "un-clutter" your mind? Especially if you don't even know about most of what's there? It's a bit of a trick question, because you don't actually un-clutter it. Instead, you learn to move your attention away from it and let it be as it is. You do this by strengthening awareness of your mind and its non-stop activity. You develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. This is the essence of meditating. If you develop a consistent practice and bring mindfulness to your daily life, you will distance yourself from the mental clutter of the 50,000+ thoughts you are exposed to every day. Instead of continually being caught up in all of it - instead of being dragged around by all of it - you use what you need, and move your attention away from the rest. As a result, your life (unlike your Inbox) will be less chaotic. Now I need to figure out what to do with that email from last February. Stop dealing with the symptoms.Stress, anxiety, self-confidence issues, the inability to stop bad habits, problems with sleep and focus, and on and on and on.
These and the other things we struggle with every day are only symptoms. The good news is, they all share the same root cause. The bad news is, if you don't address that root cause, the symptoms will keep coming back no matter what you do. That's why we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind." For almost 20 years, people have been using it to address the root cause of their daily struggles. Click here to view the contents and learn more. Last updated December, 2017. note: we link to our free guide to mindfulness and meditation at the bottom of the page (no email required). The following post was written by Chelsea, our Chief Mindfulness Officer and creator of "ARC: mindfulness for children." -- I changed my walking route the other day as I am wont to do every so often. The park in which I’d been walking for the past few months was becoming a little too familiar and crowded, and my daily 45-minute walk was beginning to feel more like an hour and a half. I chose the new trail based on the abundance of trees that I could see lining its sides from the road - fall is in full swing here and, like many others, I am a huge fan of the beautiful colors that come with the change of season. Combine that with the sounds of resident birds and rustling leaves, and you’ve got my idea of the perfect setting for a walking meditation. I was about 15 minutes through my walk when I came to a fork in the trail. I decided on the section of the trail that veered off to the right and continued along for a few minutes when suddenly I was shocked into a full stop. It was a patch of bright red and gold leaves that had caught my attention, but it wasn’t so much the color itself that had stopped me (fiery colors are everywhere at this time of year). It was the vibrant contrast that the color presented. I had walked into a stretch of evergreens without realizing it, and there was a small copse of maple trees that had somehow found its home amidst the pines. My vision felt slightly seared as I stood there staring at the blazing red surrounded by all that green, and I realized that I’d been lost in my thoughts and unaware that the landscape had changed. I’d become habituated; the vibrant hues of fall had no longer been holding my attention, and it took a visual interruption to jolt me back into the present moment. In the realm of psychology, the word habituation is defined as “the diminishing of a physiological or emotional response to a frequently repeated stimulus.” In short, we get used to things the more we’re exposed to them. This ability to quickly digest new information and move on to something else is an advantage to us as children because it helps us learn about the world around us (in fact, it’s seen as an indicator of intelligence in infants). But, what does a novelty-seeking nature mean for us in adulthood? Sure, it keeps us moving forward and learning, but the part of our brains that compels us to seek out new stimuli in order to learn and grow is the same part that causes us to lose wonder, interest, and contentment in things simply because they have become familiar to us. Louis CK did a comedy bit awhile back in which he talked about how everything is amazing but no one is happy, and the message he was sending is worth reiterating: As a society, we have become so accustomed to the convenience of things around us that we no longer experience the amazement and joy that they afford. They no longer captivate us or inspire us or cause us to pause. We’ve grown mental calluses that numb our perception and experience, leaving us yearning for the ever-demanding more and searching for happiness outside of ourselves. Habituation is in our nature and can be used to our advantage, but it’s important to maintain (or create) a balance between assimilation and apathy. As Larry Watson said: "With so much unknown in this life, how little it takes for a face, a grove of trees, an outcropping of stone to become familiar.” Familiarize yourself, but don’t let the extraordinary become displaced and mundane. Take care that the word “acquaint” doesn’t become synonymous with “forget,” and take pleasure in the small. Because sometimes the small is what inspires the most mindful moments. What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. Last updated December, 2018. Before you scroll down...we keep this site ad-free for our readers. If you get value from what we write, please consider supporting us by checking out the overview for our best-selling work, "An owner's guide to the mind". It's time for another installment of "Question and Answer Tuesdays!" Kim writes: "I've been meditating for almost two months now, and I think it has actually made matters worse. When I first started, I was able to quiet my mind. Now it seems to be going non-stop, and I can't go 30 seconds without drifting into thought during my meditation sitting. My mind is crazier than ever! Is this normal?" It is normal. But, your mind hasn't become busier. You've become more aware of just how busy it's always been. If you're like most people, you haven't spent a lot of time observing your mind and its compulsive nature. It's hard to understand how pervasive and incessant thoughts and emotions can be - especially when you spend most of your day lost in thoughts and emotions. Meditating changes that. The more you practice, the more these focused attempts to anchor your attention reveal a startling fact: your mind is always going. As a result of witnessing it first-hand, you might believe you are "failing": "I was doing better a few weeks ago - now I can't go 30 seconds without my mind wandering." The reality is, you are finally seeing what has been happening all along! It takes a bit of time and effort to reach a baseline of awareness that allows this to happen. That's why people believe they are good at meditating at first - they aren't even close to this baseline of awareness yet. In the beginning, they are usually just thinking with their eyes closed, not realizing they are thinking at all! The best advice is, don't meditate with the goal of calming the mind. Your frustration doesn't come from your mind being "crazy," it comes from you feeling like you can't control it. And, you can't - so give up the attempts to do so. Instead, meditate with the goal of understanding your mind. As of now, you can see how compulsive it is - the next step is to develop the skill of noticing it all without getting caught up in it. Remember that nothing is permanent, including your thoughts, emotions, and urges. Everything comes into being, exists, and ceases (it all comes and goes). Your mind tries to cling to these things and make them permanent. But, meditation and mindfulness teach you to understand the temporary nature of your mind-made activity. One last point: when you are meditating and you notice your attention has wandered, that is success. To be more specific, you focus your attention on an anchor (most people choose the breath or a mantra), and when you notice it has wandered and you become aware of thoughts, you return your attention to the anchor. Notice and return, over and over and over again. That's why it's called practice! The more you practice, the more you develop the skills you can bring to your daily life when you aren't practicing. If you do it consistently, you'll find the calmness you're seeking is there - it's been buried under all that mental noise you've been wrapped up in. You can't escape your mind...Life seems to be a roller coaster of ups and downs. All of us are endlessly searching for happiness as we stumble from one problem to the next, trying to cope as best we can.
Are you ready to do something different? If so, we wrote "An owner's guide to the mind" for you. Click here to read more. I answered a few questions on the website Lift about how I meditate - check it out here. You can also read a chapter from their new book, "The Strongest Mind in the Room." See the link at the end of my interview. Check back here next week for a new installment of "Question & Answer Tuesdays." < What are you trying to "cope" with?
Coping doesn't work - addressing the root cause does. We'll show you how. |